


A place to belong

by JadedWarrior



Series: Belonging You Seek [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Porn, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Boss/Employee Relationship, Coworkers - Freeform, Dominant Ben Solo, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feelings Realization, Feels, Hate Sex, Heavy Angst, Idiots in Love, Light Dom/sub, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Office, Office Sex, Poe is an asshole, Porn with Feelings, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Sexual Tension, Voice Kink, Wall Sex, soft dom ben solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadedWarrior/pseuds/JadedWarrior
Summary: When Rey Niima starts a new job, everyone tells her she’ll do fine as long as she stays out of the way from the office asshole.Nobody tells her he is beautiful.When Resistance Media hires a new Chief Tech, Ben Solo doesn’t expect a warrior who  puts him in his place.He knows he is an asshole. She doesn’t do relationships. But after several months of hooking up, what happens when both are too scared to admit they want something more?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Belonging You Seek [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797796
Comments: 124
Kudos: 425





	1. Present

**Author's Note:**

> Long time reader, first time poster! Hope you enjoy.

Of course she was playing the damned piano, the haunting notes shivering away like tears in the dark. The theme for the redeemed villain in Star Battles.  
  
With empty tables between them, Ben could easily make out her silhouette, the beams of headlights entering the break room floor to ceiling windows just enough to reach the second floor, just enough to highlight that deceptively slender frame while leaving the piano and her face in shadows.  
  
He must’ve made some noice because Rey shot up ramrod straight, elbows bent, her hands no doubt curled to fists. Ben knew her now. He knew exactly how she hid emotion with bravado. The past six months he’d come to know each movement of her hands, each quick and breathy sigh.  
  
Right now, he didn’t miss the flick of fingertips over her face.  
  
“Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”  
  
He didn’t need light to see her lips curl in derision.  
  
“My mother forwarded your email.”  
  
That laugh. Ben hated that raw and ugly. He’d known her for nearly a year, loved her—no, that was nothing but truly spectacular fucking—for six months. He’d heard her curse in three different language, he’d heard her moan and beg and plead, he’d heard her voice whip out in fury, and none of that came out as harsh, as awful as this laugh.  
  
“It was meant to be private but I’ll stand by what I said. I did assault the COO—“another ugly laugh,”and I fully except to be fired. I’ll be out of here as soon as the third tier restarts. I swear I won’t trash the place, if that’s why you’re here. Bazine didn’t strike me as the type who waits.”  
  
“Bazine isn’t your business.” He flinched even as he said the words, but a part of him, the small and petty part, hoped that it hurt the same way she had hurt him.  
  
She made a show of pulling up her phone and swiping on the screen as if to check for updates. “Still got another hour, unless you’re here to escort me out.”  
  
“Why-“His fucking voice cracked. He hated it, hated it almost as much as how everyone would gush about his expressive face, until he learned to wear a mask of indifference to hide every emotion. “Why did you send it?”  
  
In the light of the passing cars, he saw her shrug. “I wanted to get ahead of all this shit.”  
  
“You sent it days before this happened? A little premeditation to assault?”  
  
“Fuck you.”  
  
Yep, there it was, another quick swipe of her fingertips over her eyelids. Ben hated it, this band of iron over his chest, the need for her that started out as nothing. She wanted none of him. And yet, as she turned away to face the windows, her silhouette awash in crimson lights, he had to steel himself from taking her up in his arms.  
  
“You don’t get to do this.” He swore to himself he wouldn’t bring this up. He swore when he saw her car parked near the office, he would let their past die and thank her, calm and polite and fucking professional, for the career ending risk she took for him.  
  
His mouth didn’t seem to get the memo.  
  
“You don’t get to be wounded and play heartbreak on the fucking piano when you’re the one who threw everything away.”  
  
“Well. Excuse. Bloody. Me.” Before? She looked like she had curled in on herself. Now, she turned around in full fury, drawing herself to her full height. There was a time he found her temper grudgingly amusing. Now? He steeled his muscles to keep himself from kneeling at her feet. Warrior Goddess.  
  
“Excuse me that I finally got some self respect.” Somehow she’d gotten closer. “Excuse me for not wanting to feel like trash after six months.”  
  
Her breath fanned over his face—Ben didn’t know which one of them pushed the other toward the piano. The red pulsing lights from cars down below reflected in the wet glisten of her eyes.  
  
“Back off, mate. Now.”  
  
“There it is, that London accent.” The words tumbled out low and vicious, pushing through all this emotion chocking up his throat. “Only comes on when you’re really wound up. Today with Poe. That time at your place when you told me it was over.”  
  
“I’m not doing this with you.“  
  
“Maybe it’s time you should.”  
  
“I don’t owe you or anyone a bloody explanation.”  
  
A part of him wanted to pick her up and fucking shake her. A part of him wanted to sink to his knees and beg for crumbs if that was all she would allow him of herself.  
  
“Is that why you’re here, crying on the piano? Hiding away instead of dealing with your shit?”  
  
The irony wasn’t lost on him. Nor was the strength with which she pushed him back, the elbow pushing at his sternum extremely effective. Although that part wasn’t exactly a surprise.  
  
“You think I should just deal with my shit?” Another ugly laugh. “You said these six months were nothing. And maybe you were right. I’ve never had a relationship, not one, beyond casual hookups. I’m fucking terrified they’ll always leave. But this... with you? It wasn’t nothing. Not to me.”


	2. Ten Months Ago

She knew of Solo of course. “Welcome to Rebel! you’ll love it here. Just stay out of Ben Solo’s way and you’ll do great!”  
  
They kept tiny bottles of Jack in various strategic places to be grabbed as needed. In the few days since Rey started, she’d seen several red eyed sales execs rush from his office to drink or to cry.  
  
Amidst the gossip and the snark, nobody told her he was beautiful. Not handsome, not in a conventional way, his hair too long, shoulders too big, features too large, both asymmetrical and royal.  
  
With a mouth made to whisper beautiful and filthy things. With a body roughly equivalent of a tank, straining the charcoal button up that probably cost more then her weekly paycheck. Before taxes.  
  
She’d been so enraptured looking up—and up—she didn’t let go of the hand that enveloped hers, and only a subtle clench of his jaw alerted Rey that she was staring at his mouth.  
  
Then came the smirk. The smirk coupled with the raised eyebrows which resulted in embarrassing wetness down below. The murmured “Pleasure, Ms Niima” in that velvet voice all but finished the job.  
  
Two days later, she figured out why he was known as The Asshole.  
  
“No.” He didn’t have the decency to look up from what he was typing, the phone ridiculously small in those large hands.  
  
“I. Um. Excuse me?”  
  
“I didn’t stutter.”  
  
The tiny snicker came from the icy blonde sprawled to his left, Phantasma something. Everyone else kept their eyes studiously on their tablets, or in case of the ginger Support Lead, an old fashioned spiral bound where he jotted down notes.  
  
“Mr Solo. May I call you Ben?” Rey pasted on the self-deprecating smile used to smooth talk frat bros objecting to a girl fixing their gaming rigs. “I get it. I’m here less then a week and already making noise. If you could just hear me out-“  
  
“You may call me Solo. I don’t need to repeat the no.”  
  
That voice. Gorgeous and bore. He hadn’t looked up from his phone.  
  
The man on the other side of him, Poe Dameron, covered his mouth as if to keep himself from laughing.  
  
She’d dealt with worse. First rule of verbal Judo - use their momentum to pivot where you need them to go. “You’re right of course. If you give me a second to outline the problem, I’d love your help figuring out another way.”  
  
This time he did look up and that was when Rey realized she made a huge miscalculation. That dark gaze made things so much worse.  
  
The room had gone dead silent, even the taps of thumbs on screens died off.  
  
“Ms Niema.” The lines of that lush mouth thinned, as if she said something disgusting. “If you could focus all that diplomacy on what we hired you to do, Resistance would be better off. Hux,“ he turned to the silent ginger, “How do the numbers look this week?”  
  
Dismissed.  
  
Not for the first time, and probably not last, a common tactic made by idiots in power. It didn’t help that she got catty when riled up.  
  
“May I have your personal number?”  
  
The dark eyebrow went up again, and this time Rey had immense satisfaction watching the pale skin of his face turn red. The moles on his face... well, she didn’t need another distraction.  
  
“Oh not to worry, not to sign you up for spam.” She said that with a little laugh. “But since my—“she paused to emphasize the word “—diplomacy isn’t working, I’d love to route the 4AM angry calls to your personal cell. You’re obviously much better equipped to tell Amalyn Holdo why their in-app purchases time out, despite my predecessors’ guarantees that uptimes had improved. I’m just a tech and not privy to their contract terms, so all those threats are really above my pay grade.“ She didn’t know what possessed her to smile sweetly, “But after a week of these, I really need my sleep.”  
  
Of course, rumors spread about her mouthing off, and more so, threatening to involve his mother since apparently Holdo was good friends with the Resistance CEO. Then again, putting the asshole in his place endeared her to the entire staff—Poe took her out to lunch that day with all the heads (Solo notably absent), with sales and marketing taking her out the next day.  
  
Rose Tico dragged her at the bar around the corner, the tiny woman fierce and friendly and surprisingly easy to talk to over drinks.  
  
Even Hux started nodding to her in the morning.  
  
When two FedEx guys showed up at her office in the basement, with a pallet piled high with boxed and plastic-wrapped beauties of machines , Rey figured she wasn’t fired yet.

***

“Ben? Solo? Hey.”  
  
She barged right in and all but gifted him with a stroke with that smile.  
  
He thought her magnificent when she took him down in the conference room, but now? That smile alone could kill him. Make him drop down to his knees. Promise her anything, everything, just for a glimpse of sunshine.  
  
“Your parents teach you how to knock?” He kept his eyes glued to the figures on his screens, typing gibberish as an excuse to keep his suddenly trembling hands busy.  
  
“I.. sorry.” Her smile had to be gone now, as Ben intended. Except this new... energy? he didn’t know what to call the mood shift, but somehow it worse, somehow small and hurt. Typical Solo.  
  
“What can I do for you, Ms Niima?” He kept his voice sharp and polite because nothing was wrong and he certainly wasn’t popping a sudden infuriating hard on.  
  
“The new processors just got delivered. Thank you.”  
  
No good deed went unpunished. Snoke—let that bastard burn in his grave — had always taught him that.  
  
That energy was back in her voice, and with it, god help him, excitement.  
  
“I have nothing to do with purchasing equipment, but thank you for the interruption. If you need help figuring out whom to thank, I’m sure Rose can find a copy of our org chart.”  
  
She took a small step back, still hovering at the doorway, half in, half out, probably calculating if she should blast him with choice words or flee and cut her losses. A risked glance showed she’d taken off the shapeless sunny sweatshirt she had on this morning, revealing a black #MattDeservedBetter tee. The crossed neon laser swords—god help him—teased very visible outlines of pebbled nipples.  
  
Not that he fucking looked. Sweet Christ.  
  
“My apologies Solo.” This was said with a fierce smile, the kind regular people pasted on when they refused to be embarrassed when they did nothing wrong. A smile of bared teeth, and yet somehow, she... glowed.  
  
Assholes like him didn’t deserve to bask in sunlight.  
  
“We’re hosting Trillogy reps next Friday. I’m sure they’ll want to meet the new Chief Tech, so if you can find something... more professional to wear, please join us for lunch. Let Rose know to update the reservation.”  
  
“I.. You...Excuse the fuck out of me.” Her arms came up to cross over her chest, thankfully obstructing the view he had no business pocketing away for later.  
  
“Heels and skirts don’t really match with server farms. I’ll keep my unprofessional self out of the sight so that Your Highness can enjoy your lunch.”


	3. Two Hours Ago

The clicks of heels caught Rey just as she badged herself into the second story office. Another irritation piled onto a shit day.

“Excuse me?” A voice to match the heels—bold and sharp, elegantly sexy. “I have a meeting with Ben Solo. He isn’t answering his phone.”

Since the mention of his name still had this idiotic power over her, Rey cleared her throat to ensure her voice stayed steady. “You are..?”

“Bazine Netal. Mrs Organa’s and Ben’s lawyer.” And there it was, that tiny smile, an implication that this was much more then professional. Then again, none of that was Rey’s business, and to be fair, he had every reason to have... friends.

The woman arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow, watching Rey in the same fashion as Rey watched her. But hey, there was no competition. Lawyer or friend, the woman had every right to him. 

The heels matched the wrap dress hugging an impressively curved body, the v-neck just low enough to tease. The slash of red across the woman’s lips matched the same shade on her fingertips, a pop of color against a sea of black. Bold and dramatic. Probably just his type. 

“I know, not exactly corporate wear.” The woman bared perfect teeth in tiny self-satisfied smile disguised as a self deprecating little laugh. “I’m hoping to talk Ben into celebrating once he signs the papers.” She lifted the ridiculously stylish bag in patent leather. Black of course. 

_Well then._ “I’m sure you won’t have any trouble.”  
Bazine walked through the opened door, a queen too royal to pay attention to the lowly servant, her long legs eating up the floor. Once through the hallway, she looked back over her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, you are..?”

“Rey.”

“Rey....?”

“Just Rey.”

“Rey... Niima! Of course, the Chief Tech.” Bazine let out another perfect peal of laughter. “I have to admit, I love seeing girls in tech.”

There was no reason to hate this woman. No reason to feel like Rey was being appraised, or worse, sized up as if she were the opposition.

_He talked about her?_

Not that it mattered. Another shitty day, with one more reason for her to start drinking. Whatever Ben did with his friends, this job, the way he had ignored her since Wednesday....

No, that wasn’t fair. He made himself quiet clear, and truth be told, he has been treating her like everybody else. Polite indifference, professional respect. She should’ve been fucking thrilled if there wasn’t that small issue of being fired.

Whatever possessed her to write that idiotic email clearly showed that Rey Niima was deranged.

“Ms Netal.” Rose barreled toward them, a tiny powerhouse clutching folders to her chest. “They are in the conference room. Rey, can I have a minute?”

Not a conversation she wanted to have, and for a second Rey considered using Bazine as cover. Keep your enemies close and all that. But the woman already turned off toward the conference room, heels clicking on the tile. Probably rushing off to see her friend.

“Rey—I’m so sorry.”

“I need to make sure the projector is reset.” A coward’s answer, but again, Rey was a master of avoiding conversations. Funny how after all this bullshit, this illusion of family and friends when they were all just coworkers stuck together by necessity of wages, she still fell for this idiotic wanting to belong.

“Rey.” The womans’ hand closed over her forearm, halting her before she could get away. “Look. I swear, I didn’t say a word about... You know. I honestly didn’t even realize who you meant, until..... Truth is, he used me.” Rose didn’t need to clarify the “he” being referred to wasn’t Ben.

And since it was Rose, and for once, Rey saw more then just her own internal crap, she added, “He used me too. And I thought we were friends.”

Rose let out a tiny sniff, which in itself was scary because the woman was spitfire under a calm and serene shell. “I legit didn’t say anything about you... in that context. But it’s not an excuse. You trusted me and I....” She let out a harsh laugh. “Now you know why I didn’t go into the field.”

“Rose, look.” Was it wrong to feel relief that others, seemingly so put together, allowed themselves to get fucked over? “I really enjoyed us hangin out. “, _And if I don’t get fired_ ,”I hope we can continue to be friends.” As if anyone would give a shit after she would be gone.

Rose’s lips turned up into a smile. “I’d like that. You better get the projector fixed before Solo throws that thing out the window like they said.”

They both snorted, the insult a throwback to past gossip. And Rose opened the first set of double doors just in time for the opening act.

“I swear to fucking God, I’ll ruin you. You think your mother will save your ass like last time?” 

They couldn’t see inside with the conference room closed off to the common area, the muted greys and sleek chrome of the shared reception space much nicer then the cubicles just outside. 

More voices —she recognized Ben growling words to low for her to hear, and several feminine tones speaking over Poe. One of them was Bazine, no doubt helping her friend.

“I won’t fucking calm down. I worked my ass off, and for what?” A muffled crash against the door. “For you to just hand him the job? Can you spell nepotism? I’m not the one fucking employees. I’m not the one buying all sorts of shit just for a chance to be sucked off.” 

“God damnit Dameron—“

Somehow she was already in the room, shouldering open the doors and leaping over the overturned chair. Somehow she shoved Ben out of the way to come to a dead stop in front of Poe’s flushed face.

His mouth twisted in anger. Before he opened it to say another word, Rey clocked him right into that trademark grin. “That one’s for Rose.” Another in his belly. “This one? For me.”

She turned to march out of the room, accompanied by the shocked silence and her own heavy breathing. Then Poe toppled, crashing another chair to the floor, while the voice on the on the spearkerphone who definitely was Leia sputtered, “Was that... Rey?”


	4. Nine Months and Three Weeks Ago Part One

The prattle of conversation faded into to static. Time stopped in a long intensifying stretch, his idiotic heart beating too loud, trying in vain to pump oxygen into his stunned-stupid brain.

Badass combined with sunshine sauntered toward him wearing leather and a smile. The supple sheen of her trousers hugged soul-wrenching curves that her hips, the three metal studs winking on each pocket arranged like arrows punching him toward heaven.The white crisp blouse left the hollow of her throat bare, just enough to tease imagining what her skin would taste like.  
Simple and and dangerously elegant, accessorized perfectly with nothing but that wide razor edged smile.

Soft tendrils escaping the chestnut knot of hair framed her face in teasing waves, all but daring Ben to touch them. He wrenched his gaze away from that ripe naked mouth, over the black leather and down to.. boots. Fuck him, thick soled combat boots propelled her to new heights where she almost would be level with his shoulder.

Unbidden, his idiotic mind conjured images of those boots hanging off his shoulders, the rest of her, golden and delicious, moaning his name with his face pressed between tanned thighs. 

Thank god for table cloths.

“I’m criminally late. A disagreement with the data servers.” Her grin lit up the place. “Naturally, I won.”

She didn’t look at him, which had to be a good thing since Ben was certain he’d combust under the power of her gaze. That thousand watt smile didn’t reach her eyes when she sat down Ben bared his teeth in a small smile back in liew of a hello.  
The spread of dishes on the table might as well have turned to ash, and yet the morons from Trillogy kept eating while peppering her with question.

Which she answered, with humor, with gestures, and a charm she lavished on everyone except for Ben.

She didn’t eat. Not that Ben fared better—his mind was still too shocked to risk anything involving minimal coordination (although that didn’t affect the pleasure pain throb in his lap). Somehow, his mouth answered if words were required, although he had no idea what he said.

Since there hadn’t been room in the booth save for his lap, Rey simply turned a neighboring chair to sit down. Which meant his knee was inches from her leather clad leg.

And though she spoke with animation, her laugh a weapon of wit and charm, the food one of the reps—Mitaka?—spooned onto her plate remained untouched despite the very clear, to his ears at least, growls that had to be her stomach. 

“So I change the password to... well.. it’s not polite to say during work hours. Let’s just say it involved body parts. Boom, not even 30 second later, he’s in again.” Those graceful hands never remained still. “I change it to “who-the-f-r-u” and don’t bother to hash it and BAM!” She smacked the table for emphasis, long fingers mere inches from his hand. “Again in, and this time, I’m showing an altered file mod date. The mofo’s messing with me now and leaving answers! I pull it up and it’s some Russian boogey man, Kaschei.” 

Taking a Juliard worthy pause, she leaned forward, holding the reps—and Ben—in thrall.

“So I reg-exp for Russian glyphs and lo and behold.” She smiled in triumph and nearly stabbed him with a single chopstick. “There’s a back door, right in the code.” She probably hadn’t mean for that to sound dirty, and yet Ben had to take another gulp of tea. “Coded in Georgian with Russian Glyphs because some idiot left on the language parsers . Which is how I’ve become known as the Jedi Mistress and saved Luke Skywalkers domain.”

His uncle’s name on her lips was akin to an icy shower.“So you’re saying it was just dumb luck?”

“Luck or not, I saved your uncle’s reputation and his business.” Her soft tone came across that much more dangerous when combined with the warrior’s fire in those hazel eyes. “Then again, some of us have to prove ourselves without mummy being the owner.” This was delivered with a sweet sweet smile.

The snickers and snores across the table had been tactfully disguised as coughs. Ben knew, he fucking knew, they all held their collective breaths

_Doesn’t matter what they say, he’s still Kylo Ren.  
He almost threw the table through the window. Like that printer.  
God, his poor father._

“And now you know why Leia poached Ms Niima from her brother. To the victor go the spoils, yes?” And shocking everyone—including his damned self—he snagged a shrimp right from Rey’s plate and popped it in his mouth.

While she watched him, that soft mouth agape, he finished the delicious bite and offered her a grin. “Seemed like you wanted help with that. You weren’t eating.”

He knew he’d won because of the relieved male laughter. To show the reps how they were all good friends, he helped himself to another bite off her plate. 

That hazel gaze tracked the path of his chopsticks to his mouth and once again, her stomach growled.

She hadn’t touched a single bite.

Not his fault she was one of those who chose to starve themselves to fit into tight clothing. Not his business if she found something wrong with that perfectly delectable made-for-his-hands body. 

Or maybe she had an allergy to shrimp—not that she’d bothered to let anybody know.

He snagged the last piece off her plate as one of the reps tantalized everyone with some idiotic story, and when a drip of sauce landed on his thumb he didn’t think twice to bring the digit to his lips.

And saw immediately the tactical mistake. Because those hazel eyes darkened just as her soft mouth opened to reveal a quick dart of her tongue. 

Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, Resistance Asshole. Whatever name he used, he was royally fucked.

____

Rey smiled till her teeth hurt. Hell, her eye sockets hurt from all this cheer and conversation and pointedly ignoring the furiously charming CFO. And if she gloated when Trillogy re-signed even upped their contract, who could blame her? If the Resistance Asshole was impressed by her reports correlating lowered DOS attacks with extending free accounts, he didn’t show any signs.

How nobody had heard her stomach all but growling, Rey had no idea. Clearly nobody noticed, nor did they gave a crap that she didn’t eat. Maybe she couldn’t play corporate boss babe, but kickass hacker? That part she had down. Only to be brought low by freaking chopsticks and delicious looking shrimp. Nobody could remain badass with food drippings on crisp white cotton.  
The vision of that wanker bringing her food to his beautiful mouth had Rey’s body clenching, an involuntary shiver sneaking low between her thighs and she pushed away the memory of his tongue laving over the junction between his thumb and index finger. 

God, his hands. Beautiful thick long fingers, wide palms, the blunt and defined lines... Jesus, she was writing a poem to his hands. 

_Eye on the prize_ , she told herself just as Mitaka and the rest filed out, and to quell her stomach from another rebel yell, she did a mental stock check of the contents of her desk, cataloguing the cans and bars and meal-replacement smoothies. _Just get the hell out of here and you can buy three orders of that shrimp on the way home._

“I’ll put together the requisitions for the network nodes as soon as I get down to my office. I’ll want to to get battery packs too and—“

She stumbled into a wall. Damn he was massive, and those gorgeous hands under her elbows sent an unwelcome shiver down her spine.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking.” 

She tried to step around him only to hear the soft and deafening click of the door. Leaving them both standing less then a foot away, trapped in an enclosed space.

“What bullshit are you playing.” 

She shouldn’t have shivered at that low gravel laden voice.

Oh, he was pissed, was he? Bloody furious from the look of him, the smoldering gaze, the flaring nostrils. 

“Maybe it’s time we had a conversation.” Low, so low, deceptively calm, his words seemed innocent enough, maybe even appropriate. That tone though, and that voice.... This was the voice she imagined late at night.

“Can we table this Solo? I need to—”

“You need to cut the attitude, or I’ll snap you back so fast you’ll think you’re a first year intern.“

Her stomach chose that moment to really growl. And Rey refused to be embarrassed. 

“I’m hungry. I need to get something to eat and get a jump on specs. We can discuss ‘my attitude’ after we look at revenue I brought in having them up their contract by two years.”

He crossed his arms over that massive chest, the black shirt—of course he wore black, too good for any other colors—all but giving up the fight to contain the muscles rippling beneath.

“Are you allergic?“

“Rude, and so none of your business.” Fuck. “I can’t use chopsticks.” 

“There’s this concept called ‘the fork’.”

“Which I wasn’t offered.” She hated how her voice came out, breathy, prim, her accent punching through whenever she couldn’t master her emotions. Plutt’s favorite game.

Damnit, she was shaking, and a mountain in the shape of Ben Solo blocked her path. She pushed the hunger down and squared her shoulders. By the time she was fifteen, the other foster kids knew not to mess with hangry Rey.

“Get the fuck out of my way.”

The git had the audacity to laugh.“You do know I can have you fired?“

“Fired?” The word should’ve had dread coiling in her belly. Instead Rey felt furious tendrils of heat. “Your _mother_ hired me sight unseen on personal recommendation of your _uncle_. ” She pushed a finger into that unyielding chest and a small part of her still-working brain wondered if that was such a good idea. 

“Go ahead. Fire me. You can explain to _mummy_ —“ another shove of her finger, “—why Trillogy just signed their biggest contract yet and you got nobody to keep their servers running. Go ahead and fire me, your Royal Highness,“ Rey didn’t know why she was furiously whispering, or how the smooth dark lapel of his jacket appeared in her hand.”ll just wait for you offer three times what I make so I’ll come back, and believe you me, I won’t budge until you beg.”

Air. She coudln’t get enough. Somehow, her other hand lay flat against his chest, pushing him back against the door, trapping him between the wood and her much smaller overheated body.

Ben towered over her, that gorgeous mouth curling in a smirk, his eyes darkening with what had to be fury.

“I’m not the type to beg.”

“We’ll see.”

She tugged down on his tie and slammed her mouth to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go there with “use the fork”.


	5. Nine Months and Three Weeks Ago part Two

_Oh god, oh god oh god._  
Rey she sank her teeth into his bottom lip, once, twice, and thank god for the boots because she could reach him with her death grip on his lapel forcing him to bend.

He mouth. God, that gorgeous mouth, she needed more of those soft lips, his hair so fucking soft between her fingers as she slid her free hand up his neck....

She opened her eyes to take in Ben Solo’s shocked face _right there_ , a breath away from hers. And hell, she couldn’t be sure if he was shocked because she fucking bit him, or due to his million dollar jacket bunched up in her fist.

Slow, careful, Rey forced her hand to open—despite their very rational decision to keep holding on. She still refused to look at him, not yet, not this close, but she felt his chest rise with each breath, fall with each exchale.

No doubt she shocked his tidy knickers in a twist, and now the wanker had a good cause to get her fired.

So she took a slow deliberate step back. Then followed by another.

With sufficient distance between them, Rey forced herself to lift her head and meet his gaze, those dark, unreadable eyes giving nothing away. Save for a tight clenched jaw, you’d think nothing had happened.

Good. Nothing had.

“I. Apologize.” She closed her eyes for a quick moment and let out a cleansing breath, and did that thing where you pretend to look at someone, but actually look past their head. “If you could please get out of my way, I need to get those reqs done.”

No more words, only silence. If she were disappointed he said nothing, did nothing to continue this... whatever this was... Rey didn’t allow herself to feel anything other then complete mortification.

Because she wanted to run to her office and just die, she forced herself to calmly walk—no point embarrassing yourself further by tripping—downstairs, and once she reached the sanctuary of the server farm, she finally relaxed enough to bang her head against the wall.

What a goddamned disaster.

The metal bands closing around her chest she recognized as panic. The tingles in her shoulders had to be the result of adrenaline and sugar crash, so she dealt with those first, ripping several granola bars packets open to stuff them in her mouth as fast as she could chew. 

Not great, but definitely better. Finding comfort in the familiar stale taste, Rey took several gulps of water and seriously considered the giant bottle of Jack. Her predecessor left so fast he left that thing unopened.

Because she wasn’t just the idiot who kissed, and ohmygod, bit, the boss’ son, she also had the privilege of doing so to her ex-boss’ nephew. Must’ve been nice growing up and having everything right there, ripe to take.

Just breathe, she told herself and took another big bite.

The way Rey figured, she had options: disclose to HR and probably blow up this thing way out of proportion; or play on his embarrassment of being backed against a wall by a woman half his size.

She snorted at the thought and told herself being fired woudln’t be nearly as funny. But then again, if she apologized to him in email, she’d have a dated paper trail waiting as needed. And if she sent the requisitions right after that with the same subject line, there would even be a chance he’d miss it. Then they both could go on pretending she didn’t bite the hell out of his lips.

_To: Benjamin Solo (CFO)  
From: Rey Niima (IT)  
Subject: _

_Dear Ben  
_

This sounded like one of those Lifetime movies. She needed to be swift, professional and to the point, and fantasize about that lush mouth later. Much later, with some batteries on hand.

_Mr Solo.._

No, that implied he was her superior and technically they were on the same higherarchy level on the fucking org chart that Rose had sent with an apology emoji. Rey technically was the ONLY one in Engineering, but nobody cared about semantics.

_Ben,  
I wanted to apologize again. There’s no excuse in - _

Biting you like a bloody animal? Climbing you like a tree?

_Ben,  
I wanted to apologize again. There’s no excuse in the unprofessional way I had behaved, and am extremely sorry I made you feel uncomfortable._

_I did try to explain about my blood sugar issues, and while that’s not an excuse, it is the only explanation I can offer.  
I’ll completely understand if you’d like to bring this up to Human Resources, and I sincerely hope we can put this unfortunate incident behind us._

_Rey Niima_

She waited to send until she finished up the server specs, a task that took much longer then anticipated because she couldn’t find her notebook (probably left in the conference room and she was so no going up there again). And when her machine dinged to indicate an incoming email—from Ben Fucking Solo—she all but choked on the last bar she pilfered from her stash.

She made sure she had nothing in her mouth before she clicked on the notification. And relief coursed through her at the company wide email about the Trillogy buying lunch for the entire Resistance staff.

Granala bar wrapped back up in packaging—Rey never wasted food—she risked another run in with Solo and was rewarded with her name in large block letters written on a styrofoam container of Kung Pao shrimp. And she refused to analyze the neatly napkin wrapped pairs forks and knives included with the chopsticks.

***

_What the ever loving shit._  
The text on his screen taunted him to heave a chair out the second story window. Ben had made due with the stack of papers now littering the floor. The logical part of him, the one somehow remaining functional despite the low throb of his dick, admired the strategy behind the phrasing. 

I apologize, I wasn’t myself, I have medical issues which I’ve disclosed, and, if you’re a pussy offended by a woman ravishing you against the door, your prude ass can complain to mother. 

The hell of it was—and it took several uncomfortable cock-throbbing hours to admit that—Ben had been stunned, and probably looked it. Hell, he would’ve been much less shocked if she had belted him across the face. Instead he wasted what was no doubt he only opportunity to get his hands on that delectable ass and feast on that soft smart mouth.

Thank fuck, he had no other meetings. His secretary—Executive Assistant, as he was informed by a perpetually resting-bitch-faced Rose Tico, not that he’d blame her since everyone would’ve preferred Leia stay where she was and his ass still locked up in rehab—had already gone home.

Several minutes after five meant most of the tech and sales staff cleared out, giving him leave to lock himself in the men’s room and take himself to hand so he could actually concentrate on work.

But no, he was a fucking professional saving this company from financial death, and could control his fucking hardon and rub one out at home, like a goddamned adult.

_...Extremely sorry I made you feel uncomfortable.._

He had to stop imagining the words uttered in that cool Brit accent. He had to stop picturing himself back in the conference room, running his palms over her thighs, hoisting her up so she could wrap those gorgeous legs around him and let him kiss her proper.

_To really process the past, you must relive it in your mind._

He’d told Dr Yoda to fuck himself and all those idiotic meditations. In this case, reliving the past led to more blood leaving his brain. Desperate for something else to think about, he pulled up the the req estimate she must’ve sent within minutes after the apology, clearly indicating that she put this unfortunate incident behind us.

Soft. Tan delicate skin. Silken dark hair. Small hands gripping him with more strength he would’ve given her credit for, except, of course he would, because she was Rey, ferocious, fierce Rey who fucking bit him. And had the presence of mind to blame it on low blood sugar because apparently he was the kind of asshole who would go running to HR. 

Here he was, all but ready to jerk off while she was clearly worried about her job—to the point of not doing said job correctly. The discrepancy between her handwritten notes and the req report was glaringly obvious and perfectly timed to show her they could move on.

Which was why he was knocking on her office door after hours like a shy idiot.Hopefully she was gone for the day and he could leave the notebook at her desk. And not stare at anything left out in her office to learn more about her.

“Rey?”

Nothing.

Damnit, this was his fucking company and he had every right to let himself into the server farm. _Your mother’s company_ Snoke whispered in his ear. _What have you earned on your own?_

But that bastard was dead and Kylo Ren long buried. And when Ben pushed open the door, he was shocked for the second time that day.

Because of what he saw.

Pure.

Rapture.

She had white wires in her ears—cheap pods leaking music over the server hum. With that delicate chin tipped up to the ceiling, lips parted open in a way he would’ve sworn was beautifully, orgasmic, Rey moved her hands over imaginary keys playing what Ben recognized as Chopin.

Before Snoke “noticed” him, before Luke tried to “save” him, his mother—much to the chagrin of Han—would drag him to “cultural events” and he surprised them all by actually enjoying hearing piano.

Then again, Chopin was all about weeping darkness with bold accents of rage.

He should’ve left. He should’ve been prepared for the second time his mind and body shocked him into stillness. Helpless against himself and her, Ben watched those slim fingers tap out melody, run over arpeggios, dip low for the base notes. The crude particle board of her desk might as well have been a Steinway gleaming on a stage.

And when the phrasing accelerated the last high pitched sound, Rey keened and arched her back.

He must have made some sort of sound, probably something akin to a groan.

“Ben?”

He blinked, once again at a complete loss what to say. _You’re incredible. You look like sunshine. Please let me touch you._

One of her eyebrows rose up to her hairline, her mouth pressed into a line. “If this is about earlier-“

“Your notes.”

Somehow he managed to grind out the words with barely a functioning mouth. Somehow he managed to shove the notebook somewhere in her direction and prey she had a reason to look away.

Where she was sitting, now having turned around in her chair, and where he stood several feet away, she probably had prime viewing space of where his anatomy demanded his—or hers— immediate attention.

“Notes?”

“You left this in the conference room. Might want to take another look and resubmit.”

“Oh.” In the blue glow of her monitor, he couldn’t help but notice how color stained her cheeks, how those bright eyes seemed to go darker. “Thank you.” Her gaze held his, a game of chicken to see who would be first to look away, her motions slow, deliberate as she took the notepad from his hand without touching his his skin.

The whole point of this game was to move past it. A part of him had a bad feeling about what came next.

“Have you eaten?”

“Excuse me?” Neither of them had yet to look away.

“Trillogy sent up a thank you for the team. Chinese food. Did you eat?”

A frown, just a tiny line between her eyebrows. “I... Why?”

Slow, aware of every heartbeat—his or hers, didn’t matter—Ben leaned in just an inch. “Per your email, you implied what happened was caused by low blood sugar and something you regret.”

Her gaze didn’t leave his face. She didn’t move, but had to arch her neck more to keep the eye contact, her lips parted and moist.

“My only regret is that you bolted before I could properly kiss you back.” _Or bend you over the damned conference desk._

“I didn’t bolt.” Raw, hoarse whisper.

“No, I suppose not. Have you eaten?”

“Why are you still asking me that?” Dazed eyes, glassy confusion. Which filled him with something akin to glee because he wasn’t the only one lost in this thrall.

“I’d like to try again. Without excuses this time.” Look at him, using his words to ask for what he wanted. His ex-shrink would’ve clapped his ancient hands.

With both palms now flat on the desk, Ben still didn’t touch her, effectively caging her in while giving her every opportunity to tell him to go to hell. Her breaths came in quick gasps, sweet pants that had those exquisite breasts rising with ever inhale.

The silence stretched, a long moment of coiling need. He didn’t know how long he stood over her, no touching, both powerful and powerless. “Rey?”

“Yes.”

“To?”

“Both.”

 _Thank fuck._  
He may have whispered that out loud. Her lips, sweet hell, that mouth drove him man. Terrified the beast inside him would claw free, Ben curled his palms around the edges of her desk, and let Rey set the pace.

She tasted of honey and sunshine. Those little gasps and sighs imprinted themself straight onto his brain. When she pulled back slightly to catch her breath, he didn’t chase her, once again showing her all this would be her choice, her needs, hers to take how she wanted.

When she huffed out a nervous laugh, and reached for him again, Ben let go of a breath he didn’t know he held. Amused at the sauce stain on her lapel, he let her tug him closer so he could bump his nose across her cheek. “You really haven’t learned how to eat.”

The answering silence could’ve crushed him.

With her elbow now against his throat, he backed away, slow and deliberate. Because he was Ben Solo, always fucking things up.

“Where I grew up,” she said, her voice devoid of any trace of emotion, “if I didn’t eat fast, I didn’t eat.”

“I”m -“

She raised a regal hand and stopped the “sorry”.

“I need to revise the req’s before I shut down for the day.”

_To: Rey Niima (IT)  
From: Benjamin Solo (CFO)_

_Rey,_

_My sincerest apologizes. There’s no excuse in the unprofessional way I had behaved, and I regret making you uncomfortable.  
I’ll completely understand if you decide to bring this up to Human Resources for whatever course of action you deem appropriate. I hope we are able to put this incident behind us to continue in our professional capacity as before._

_With Respect,  
Ben Solo_

__


	6. Eight Months Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit more angstsy...  
> This story is completed unbetaed because I rewrite so many times I’d drive anyone batshit crazy:) All typos are mea culpa.

The opened bottle of Jack sloshed softly between her fingers as Rey pushed open the roof door.

She hadn’t touched the bottle since she’d started—not after the incident, as she privately started calling... that. They both treated each other with the polite ambivalence of coworkers, which was exactly how it should have been.

Not that it stung that he would barely spare her a glance, or say more then two words in that voice of deepest velvet.  
She didn’t drink when Poe cheerfully informed the entire staff she grew up in the system, and a flicked glance at Ben showed him not even acknowledging that little info dump. 

Probably for the best. 

Poe was so damned apologetic, she let him take her out to lunch, and withstood his instance on getting a cocktail (hey, you can get away with it! I’m technically your boss! It’s on company dime!)

She didn’t crack open the seal when Ben walked by just as she hauled two giant platters with left over sandwich fixings down to her office, even if he did catch one with speed not usually associated with a man that size when she managed to trip.

She didn’t drink because for once, aside from Solo and that weird blip, she was content. Resistance supplied food, and she had friends. Amazing food, enough that she could all but live right there in the break room, happily chatting with whoever stopped by.

They were amazing—all of them, creative, talented people. And more over, they seemed to genuinely give a fuck.

The nearly weekly Taco Tuesdays at Tocadana, with most of the support team hilariously tipsy by the end.

Wednesday’s with Rose—a quiet hipster brewery and live guitar.

Fridays with Poe and Finn and anybody else they managed to rope into going with, Poe always dragging them to a new bar or club or dive he’d just discovered.

She didn’t drink after that email from him informing her she needed to resend the requisitions. Because clearly in this day and age, they had nothing better to do then fill out forms.

But today Plutt was dead, and damned if she wasn’t having herself a bloody pity party.

“Rot in hell.” She lifted the bottle to toast the sky and let the slow burn in her throat be the excuse for tears.

That wanker loved to see her cry. 

The second chug went down better then the first, or maybe it was because she didn’t have the coughing fit this time.

“Ms Niima. Drinking on the job?”

Well wasn’t he so bloody perfect, with his wind tousled hair and beautiful mouth smirking at her from above.  
His suit jacket was gone, his shirt—black silk of course— rolled up to reveal impressive forearms.

Blood marred his fists, his knuckles torn up and dirty.

When she finally looked up at his eyes, what she saw there had her lift the bottle him in silent compassion. 

She didn’t expect him to huff out a quiet laugh. “Six years sober.”

“Oh.” Then for a lack of anything else to say, she muttered, “That’s... good.” Six years ago she was finishing her degree and living on tuna and ramen. Her drinks were usually the courtesy of one night stands. She wondered what he was like—

He hunched those shoulders. “You wouldn’t have liked me then.”

Had she spoken aloud? “Your hands are bleeding.”

“Says the woman clutching whiskey.” 

She had no answer there, but she did make a move to cap off the bottle.

He shook his head, and the light breeze caressed his hair. “Go ahead. You look like you could use it.”

And since it was one hell of a compliment, Rey took another pull.

He sat down next to her, far enough that it wasn’t weird, close enough that the wind ticked her nose with his scent, spice and music and promises of dark deep satisfaction. 

“You want to talk about it?”

“They teach you counseling in AA?” Yeah, she was really a bitch, but _god._

That laugh came way too ugly from that beautifully sculpted mouth. “Yaavin Sanatorium. And no.”

And as the silence stretched, he pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket. A real handkerchief, black—of course— embroidered with K. R. In fancy cursive.

When he handed it out to her, Rey frowned but took it from his hand, rubbing the smooth fabric between her fingertips to ease off the sudden tingles.

“Who is KR?”

“Somebody dead.”

“Do _you_ want to talk about it?”

The look he gave her... like nobody ever offered. “You wouldn’t have liked me then.”

Well, Plutt was dead and Rey really wasn’t in the mood for puzzles. But when she tried to shove the silk at him, he wouldn’t take it back.

“You’re crying.” 

“It’s this.” She lifted the bottle to demonstrate her point, and this time he took back the handkerchief, careful not to touch her fingers. She wondered what K. R. meant to him while he dabbed at the blood matted on his hands. Rey couldn’t help but follow his movements, the way he rubbed the fabric on his skin, so rough, uncaring, and all she wanted to do was snatch the it from his hand to show him how to do that proper.

When the breeze tickled her face, she absently wiped at her eyes and hated herself when moisture touched her fingers. 

“You don’t need to babysit me.”

“Look..... Rey.” He paused after he said her name and frowned, as if not liking how the sound tasted. Bully for him. “If you’re this upset about the battery backups—“

Maybe he meant it as a joke. Maybe he was trying to lighten the moment, sitting here so fucking cozy as if they were friendly.  
“Don’t flatter yourself, Solo. I’ll find another way to get what I need.”

“Yeah, Dameron mentioned your Scavanger ways.” 

If her cheeks turned red, it was due to the sudden wind. 

“Don’t think think he’ll sign off so you can go around me.”

She scrambled up, towering over him for the split second he allowed before he unfolded that long body in a power play that had Rey crane her neck.

“At least Poe had the courtesy to listen. You mumble ‘No’ every bloody turn. As if...” 

“As if, what, Rey?”

She carefully capped the bottle and stuffed it into the pocket of her coat. “I’m not having this conversation. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to the basement and play musical chairs to see which apps stay up tonight. Maybe if you spent money on the things we need instead of those ridiculous team-building nonsense like that piano, I could get out of here at a decent hour.” 

Did his face pale? No, that had to be a trick of light, a figment of her pissed off imagination. Maybe a blur from the tears she didn’t shed for Plutt. Or thinking about that shiny elegant upright in the break room with Finn and Rose banging out Heart and Soul and Poe laughing his ass off while recording.  
_  
“This will be great on Twitter!”  
“Rey,” Rose smiling at her, “Do you know how to play?”  
“Yeah right,” Poe takes another selfie, angling himself to get Finn in the frame. “Like they teach Mozart to a bunch of fosters.”_

“The piano,” Ben uttered with teeth clenched, “was a gift. Probably from a client who hasn’t seen your charming wit in all it’s glory. As for the battery backups you’re whining for...” His breath caressed her cheek, “Whom should I lay off? Finn? Snap? With the uptimes you’re promising, we might as well get rid of the support staff.”

“You’re... a monster.”

She hated the darkness in his gaze, the tightening jaw, the cold, rock hard expression. “Yes.”

He advanced now, slow, predatory, stalking her until her back pushed up against the exit door, both arms on the sides of her head, caging her in, shielding her from the whipping wind with those massive shoulders. 

“Back off, Prince Charming.”

That smirk. 

She really shouldl’ve shoved him back except she was so lost, hypnotized by the specs of light in his eyes... did she really think they were just plain old brown? 

And then... He did back off, somehow haunching his shoulders, as if making himself smaller then before.

“I owe you another email,” he muttered, his gaze trained somewhere above her head.

“You didn’t see me drink, we call it even.”

He nodded.

And she fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up we earn that E Rating!


	7. Eight Months Ago Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the smut begin!

He was an idiot buying the fucking piano. He was a world class idiot getting a brand new Steinway instead of somene’s castoff, for the simple hope to watch Rey be surprised. 

_Sure you’re my kid? Believe me, takes more then a fancy piano._  
Then again, Han’s signature move had always been to leave. And Rey? Apparently Rey grew up in foster homes, and didn’t Ben feel like a fucking heel. The bonus of his near-perfect memory was having clear-as-bell records of their every conversation, each time he stuck his giant foot into his idiot mouth. He would’ve bought her twenty fucking pianos and stuffed them all with food if only he could take all of that shit back.

Not that she touched the fucking Steinway. He had to suffer brays of laughter and tone deaf shouting at various random times a day, but Rey? Rey didn’t go near the damned thing. In retrospect, buying her the equipment she had asked for would’ve probably been best.

 _Because things went so well when she showed up to thank you._  
And since he was a creepy moron, he was back at the office digging for the key fob, awkwardly balancing the bags of take out between his hands. Thai food this time—she seemed to like the place down the street.

He had already checked for her car in the lot— pathetic, Solo— and didn’t freak out too much that she wasn’t in her office.  
Food as apology. Hell, for his father, it was flowers. He seriously hoped non of the Pad Thai would end up thrown in his face.  
He copped to the alarm being disarmed just as angry sweeping music penetrated his senses.

Not Chopin. Not even remotely classical. Not even remarkably neat because as he got closer, he could make out the broken notes, uneven pauses.

The melody was familiar, two themes superimposed over each other, neither of them intended for the angst. Angry and beautiful, the villian’s theme from the original Star Battles, harmonized and overlaid with Carol of the Bells.

Slow, terrified of disrupting anything, a part of him still disbelieving this was real, Ben rounded the corner to see a clear path past cubicles and into the Resistance break room. Edged by the glow of multiple devices, he could make out her profile, the delicate lines of her throat, each pause in the music corresponding to her curling to the piano, as if deciphering the notes.  
Of course he banged the bags against one of the walls and even as he cursed, a beam of light seared his eyesight.

“Bloody hell. Solo?”

Well fuck. “You might turning down the flood lights?”

The dark came back although his retinas still burned under his eyelids. And even as he blinked to gain his sight back, the feeling blooming in his chest was one he hadn’t felt in a long time.... If he had to name it, he’d have called it... joy. She finally played. Not during the day, not with all the assholes in the office—him included. But here. In the dark. In private. Maybe he had a chance to get her to play more.

“Did you hear... anything?” Her accent rose, cool, rough and British. Embarrassment? She clearly went out of her way to keep this to herself, and if wasn’t such a jerk, he could’ve stayed away to let her have this moment.

But here she was, so obviously embarrassed, and if he didn’t solve this now, Rey probably would never touch the thing again. And if there was one thing he was good at, the only thing he could reliably do since he was a teen, it was to change the focus to himself.

“Are you and Dameron fucking on the piano?”

And there it was, his whole plan of amends flushed down the toilet. 

_I brought you dinner.. I’m sorry I’m an asshole. Can you please play a little more?_ But no, he was Ben Solo. Words were his weapons, made for him to bleed. 

She stalked toward, as if in slow motion. The sting on his cheek from her palm was a gift.

As if in slow motion, her hand rose up a second time, and though he should’ve allowed her to strike him, fully deserved for her to beat him to a fucking pulp, Ben caught her wrist—fuck, she was tiny—and reveled in that warrior goddess stance.

“You,” she said clearly as crystal, not even bothering to rip away her hand,“are an arsehole.” The accent went down to his balls. “If I choose to fuck Poe, or anybody else, ‘tis none of your concern. “ Her wrist pushed into his grip, a subtle a fight for dominance. “If I choose to fuck Snap, or Mitaka or Hux,“ now that one image he could’ve lived without, “that’s still my call.” Lost in her spell, he let her maneuvered him around, walk him backwards wherever she deemed. “If I choose to fuck you here, on this piano, you’ll take out your cock and say please.”

Ben was lost. Completely lost in her, utterly wrecked in a storm of anger and arousal. A part of him screamed something about ethics, policies, fraternization. Whether it was a good idea to let a clearly furious woman whom he just insulted push him down to sit.

The tiny part of his brain that still managed to work commanded his lips to move. 

“Please,” he heard himself murmur before that furious mouth crashed on his.

Time stopped. Everything stopped, maybe even his heartbeat, because all he knew was Rey. The taste of her, sweetness and fury electrified his bloodstream, her mouth an onslaught on his senses, less of a kiss and more akin to battle, conquering, taking, plundering his.

She straddled him, her thighs a softly muscled prison, and it took all Ben’s willpower to keep a death grip on the wooden bench instead of pawing at her waist. Lost in sensation, lost in her mouth taking his, he opened for her when she boldly demanded entrance, and shuddered when she deepened the kiss. 

Her hands fisted in his hair, the sweet pain in his scalp leading him where she wanted him to be. The heat of her ground into him, his cock aching in the confines of his slacks, and gods, another hard thrust of her hips and he’d embarrass himself fully. And still, he forced himself to let her, wordlessly telling her to take whatever she wanted from him. 

“So,” she breathed against his lips, “how do you feel about hate sex?”

His control snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is in Rey’s POV when they finally get into ... things.
> 
> Oh and the [song really exists ](%E2%80%9C) and fair warning, you won’t be able to get it out of your head. It’s HAUNTING.


	8. Eight Months Ago Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of the Fuckening from Rey’s POV!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful comments and kudos and bookmarks! It’s been a reeeeeealy long time since I’ve had the words, and you guys make my heart soar with all your encouragement.

_He hadn’t touched her._

In her fury, in her abandonment of all things reasonable, she all but mauled Ben Fucking Solo in the break room, and now was close to coming all over those rock hard thighs. And the fucker still hadn’t touched her.

If it wasn’t for the impressive erection she was grinding herself against, Rey would have thought she had misread the whole damned thing. Misread hell, she just accosted the CFO of the fucking company she’d been at for less then six weeks, the CFO whose mother owned the place. A part of her, a tiny spec of reason, started to sound off the red alert.

“Hate sex?” He still hadn’t touch her, but that voice... That rasp of velvet right above her ear. She could’ve come from that voice alone. “Is that what this is called?”

A part of her should’ve registered the answer would be vital, but his hands... His hands finally, fucking finally, grasped her hips, fingers digging into her flesh, pulling her even closer against the solid wall of heat that was his torso. Damnit, she knew the man was huge, but she had no idea he was fucking built.

Was she just complaining he hadn’t touched her? Correction, he still wasn’t, he simply curled those massive palms into her ass to grind her against an impressive— _oh fuck me_ —erection, working her body as if she weighted nothing, giving her the friction she craved that still wasn’t enough.

The tightness in her belly spiraled lower, and that’s when that fucker brought her entire body flush against his and wrapped those massive—Christ, the man was built—arms around her back.

Warm fingers carded through her hair and curled over her neck, the weight and pressure forcing her to rest her head against that massive shoulder. And fuck, she whimpered when he made her stop grinding in his lap.

“Is this what you want Rey?”

“In case you missed it,” she tried to test his strength and was deliciously, enfuriatengly disappointed. “I’m the one on top.”  
Oh god, his hand tightened on her nape.

“How’s that working for you sweetheart?” 

“I’m not your-“ The walls tilted, fucking spun in a blur of motion. Before Rey understood what the hell changed, Ben stood up with her still wrapped around him, the loss of control sending more cream between her thighs.

Fuck at this point she was so ridiculously wet, she’d ruin both their trousers. 

Her shocked gasp split the the empty darkness as he pushed her back into a cool unyelding surface of a wall, her head protected by the fingers tangled in her hair. Pinned by his weight, his body wedged between her and the wall, she was completely at his mercy, gasping at the weight of his hand coming to rest gently on her throat.

She’d never done this. Never trusted enough, never stayed long enough to play these types of games. Certainly never thought of herself as submissive, letting, much less wanting, another person have that much control. And yet, here she was, all but begging him to fuck her against the wall, to lift her up, to _use_ her for his pleasure. 

The break lights from passing cars added a crimson edge to his features, softening the sensual and hardening the brutal. Did she think those eyes cold? The way he looked down at her had Rey holding her breath. 

“This is what you want?”

She took several seconds to register she was required an answer. She needed several more to register she needed oxygen to mumble yes.

He must’ve not heard—or maybe she was too far gone because her feet suddenly touched floor, those massive hands under her arms preventing her from melting, sliding. Needing.

“Rey.” She had no choice but to look up as that velvet-over-iron voice commanded. “Tell me to stop. Say ‘no’ and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

Somehow he expected her to have enough coherent thought, much less breath, to form an answer. Since she had access to neither, Rey did the next best thing, and reached out to gently palm his cock.

“Fu-. Fuck”.

He growled, just fucking growled the words into her ear, and even as she shuddered at the thought that maybe he was almost as far gone as she, he murmured, “Words Rey. Tell me.”

She pressed harder against his cock in answer and was rewarded by his gasp. And then that large hand closed over her wrist, and _fuck!_ he wasn’t gentle.

“Shut up and fuck me,” she finally managed, and fumbled for him, unbuckling, unzipping, finally letting that gorgeous cock free. Huge. Perfect. Gloriously proportioned. Proud and thick and holy shit, it probably won’t fit, but _ohmygod—_

“You need me to repeat that?” 

At some point, he had asked her something. She licked her lips watching him fist himself around the base, his movements jerky, rough, the head of him already glistening with precome.

Then she remembered. “Condom.” 

He didn’t even fucking argue. No “I’m clean”, or, “I haven’t done this in forever” bullshit, no asking if she was on birth control. Instead, as traffic outside painted his skin in red slashes of light, he rolled the latex on - the fucking Boy Scout already had it out - and stood there smirking at her while she stared.

“How do you want it?”

Ah, that’s what he’d asked her. He stroked the head of that beautiful cock, slow but not gentle, exactly how she wanted to be fucked.

“The wall,” she managed. “Against the wall.”

She would spend her whole life remembering the way he looked at her, as if she were his only meal.

“I want to see you—“

She pushed down her leggins, and probably didn’t look graceful hurriedly kicking off her books. “Like this.”

He still didn’t move, standing a step away, might as well a galaxy apart.

“Do I need to fucking beg?”

“Next time.”

She opened her mouth to snarl but but... _There_. That untamed strength once again surrounded her, on her, lifted her back up to slam her to the wall. With her thighs spread around his torso, he fingers dug into the bare skin of her ass. She would be bruised for fucking days, and damn if she didn’t get more slick from the idea.

There were both clothed from the waist up, which was probably good because she wasn’t that impressive there anyway, and...  
He still wasn’t inside her, holding her up by the sheer strength of his arms— how much did he work out? The tip of him, just that beautiful thick tip brushed over the slick bump of her clit and, “No, damnit Solo. Now.”

She hated begging. She fucking hated asking for anything, much less anything she needed, but oh my god, he was finally there, he was finally right fucking there, not even pushing in but letting her slowly slide down onto his length and there was no more talking.

Grunting yes. Screaming, whimpering, fucking crying. Because she needed more, she needed all of him inside her, right this fucking minute, and even as she tried to wrap her ankles around his hips to force him closer, he was a fucking mountain, holding her steady and letting her body slide on him at it’s own sweet time. The stretch of him, that delicious burn nearly had her orgasming right there. So good. So full. So fucking hard. Impaled.

 _Move. Move, damn you._ Except she had no breath, no voice. He filled her to stroke places she didn’t know existed, his cock stretched her to the point where it should’ve hurt, and maybe it did, just enough to bring an edge to this ridiculously overwhelming pleasure, so good, _so fucking good_ , and he just rocked his hips, the angle just enough to send sparks coursing through her veins.

She finally managed to get his mouth, prying his lips apart to mimic his thrusts m with her tongue. Somehow her hands tunneled into his hair and Rey tugged, probably hard enough for him to see stars. Still nothing, except amidst his harsh short breaths, that fucker gave a tiny laugh.

Small quick snaps of his hips, his pubic bone bumping into her clit, and if he did it long enough, she’d probably come in the worlds tiniest, most unsatisfying orgasm.

He may have muttered something about holding on, but she was too busy trying to push herself up and then slam down. Trusting he would support her weight — _when did she start to trust him?_ —Rey unhooked her ankles and dug her heels into that tight muscular ass. Again. This somehow drove him deeper, and she clenched hard around him, wordlessly pleading with him to fucking move, and since he still didn’t get her point, Rey closed her teeth over the patch of skin where his neck became his shoulder.

The growl, oh my god the growl, sent heat spiraling up and down her spine, his hands tightening around her in a bruising grip as he pulled out only to slam into her, again, once more, more, over and over, harder, until white heat burned through her senses and tore her apart. She screamed, coming and spasming on that glorious cock, and that low gravel voice whispered things in her ear, something about how gorgeous she was, how fucking good she felt, how she fit so fucking tight and oh my god, she was still coming, or was it the second time?, convulsing around him until all she could see, all she could feel or taste was Ben.

Boneless.

Floating.

Liquid.

The oxygen she dragged into her lungs wasn’t enough to jump start her still blissed out brain. Gasping, she shuddered—or was it he shuddering around her?—and clenched around him again watching his head bow back, the harsh lines of his face brutally pronounced. 

Her ass would probably be scraped raw from the wall. Her back would be too, even through her tshirt. His lips brushed over the crown of her head and this... this got her close to tears.

Holy fucking shit.

“Well.” Not great as an opening line, but then again, what was when a man’s cock was still semi hard inside you? “That was fun.”  
She pushed him back, and when he stepped away, maybe a part of her held back a disappointed sigh.

The tell-tale sound of a zipper broke the silence. While she stood there like an idiot naked from the waist down save for mismatched socks, Ben disposed of the condom. And he... gods, what was it about break lights that made his face, that soft expression look so beautiful? 

_No. No no no, don’t crave what you can’t have._

“Rey-“

She hated pity almost worse then begging. “Guess they were right about hate sex.” 

A quiet snort then. “Yeah. I guess.” And as she stood there still half naked, Ben Solo simply turned his back and.... left.

*****

_  
To: Benjamin Solo (CFO)  
From: Rey Niima (IT)  
Subject: None_

_Dear Ben_

__  
No, fuck that shit, she could type ‘lover boy’ for all that mattered. She’d fucked the CFO in the company break room.  
Now was the time for backup plans.

_  
Ben,_

_I should apologize for how I -_ —fucking jumped you?— _behaved this evening. While your comment wasn’t at all appropriate, neither were my actions in response. I fully acknowledge having somewhat of an anger management problem, something I’m currently working on._

_I’ll completely understand if you’d like to bring this up to Human Resources, and I’ll accept whatever consequences you deem appropriate moving forward. I sincerely hope we can leave this incident in the past._

_With Respect,_

_Rey Niima_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say, they are both idiots your honor!


	9. Two Weeks Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Angst in this one, but don’t worry, more sexy times ahead in upcoming chapters.

Because he needed order in his life, Ben named this new friend Friday Dred. _Who’s this? That’s Friday Dred, he visits every week. You feeling ok? Of course, it’s Friday Dred, and and those bands around my chest is what we do. Just two good friends horsing around. Who needs breathing._

His fucking ex-therapist would have a field day. Hell, Luke would try to send him back to Yaavin for another stint.  
As for Dred? The fucker always left after the mandatory Friday morning meetings, usually after ensuring Rey wouldn’t look at him, her smile as sunny as ever, her laugh spontaneous and free.

Maybe he started bringing donuts for the team, despite Damerons pointed looks and raised eyebrows. Maybe the glossy box with sugar and fat and everything that wasn’t nutrition was his way to ensure she would show up, nonchalant and casual in ratty sweatshirts and combat boots. The laces of her hoodie teased him by laying right over those pert breasts, breasts he was rarely allowed to touch or see because she always kept her clothes on.

Each Friday, Ben was terrified she’d quit. Each Friday, he’d wake up with her scent still lingering, peaches and fucking sunshine, and he cursed himself for being fucking weak.

The busted knuckles? Better then a shot. The shredded muscles? Self-hatred was one hell of a motivation to work out. A man had very right to hate himself watching the woman who’d just screamed in orgasm, from his mouth, from his hands, from his fucking cock, gather up her clothes and head right for the door.

In some cases, she’d back him up against the nearest surface and get on her knees and those were night that were the shortest, both mind blowing and empty. Those were the nights she wouldn’t allow him to touch her at all, and since there wasn’t even need to look for clothes, her exit strategy had been that much more shorter.

He tried not to analyze too much but made sure there was chocolate in the Resistance pantry. Ben had no idea if Rey ate it since the staff descended on it as if they didn’t eat for days, but he figured it was the least that he could do.

At least she took the food. He knew little about her, save for the pieces he’d picked up from gossip, but if the way to her was through her stomach, he’d deliver. Clearly it wasn’t sex, incredible, soul-shattering that should’ve left him satisfied, but in the last few weeks, made him crave something more.

He really was a pining idiot.

As soon as they were done, with him still panting in her neck and his dick softening inside her, she’d softly kiss his cheek and look around for her shoes. And stupid him, so terrified she’d notice, he’d all but sprint to the bathroom and turn the shower on to give her fucking space.

He could behave like a god damned adult and ask her to stay. To actually eat with him instead of grabbing one of the containers before rushing out. Except she’d tell him _this wasn’t like that_ , and that they needed to stop, and he’d ruing the most spectacular fucking of his life because his idiot self _caught feelings._

And since she made her preferences about their hookups clear, he didn’t want to come off like a creep asking her to text that she got home okay.

So when she showed up, bright and chipper every Friday morning, chatting about their plans for the upcoming evening, seeing her was enough for Dred to let him be. 

Except that wasn’t the case today. 

“Is Ms Niima expecting us to wait?” Nobody should’ve caught his shortness of breath, his rapidly accelerating heartbeat. Maybe she got stuck in traffic. Maybe a line at Starbucks. Maybe she fucking crashed her car last night after she left, not that she’d let him know.

“Probably had too much. Last night was fucking epic.” Dameron’s eyebrows rhythmically went up and down, indicating how epic yesterday’s karaoki had gone. “That chick can’t drink, but sure as hell can sing. We did this one set-“

Rose Tico looked up from her phone, her usually stony expression weighted by a frown. “She texted she’s working from home today.”

Dameron snorted. “Sure. ‘Working from home’.” He attempted and failed a Brit accent by rounding the Os. “That lightweight barely drank but she sure got some pipes once I got her to loosen up.”

The words were said lightly enough, but combined with the look Dameron flicked over his printed stack of papers, Ben knew this was said for a reason. A reaction from him, some sort of a test. 

Of all people, Ms Tico came to his rescue. “Can we get on with it?” Her voice sounded... shaky, impatient. And under all that... sad. Beside him, Hux exhaled through his teeth.

“Any word back from Starkiller on the Knights campaign? We should see the preliminary numbers.” 

Hux took the cue, saving Ben from having to say anything coherent. He watched Rose fiercely doodle on her notepad while Dameron rocked in his seat, his arms behind his head, giving all the appearance of being very happy about last night’s outing.  
_Fucker._

Whatever Rey chose to do wasn’t his business. She could’ve stayed in his fucking bed after screaming his name, but he was never good enough, _never enough for anyone to keep him, he always fucked shit up, and..._

No that was Snoke, and that bastard was dead, and he had a new friend to keep him from getting too cocky.

 _Think now. Have panic attacks later._ There was always be a brick wall to tell his troubles to.

“Hey.” Tico hung back as everyone but Hux cleared out of the conference room. “You mind if I drop off Rey’s laptop?”

“I’ll take care of it.”

The words flew out of his mouth before Ben registered what he’d just said. And since he had perfected masking all emotion on his face, he won the staring contest. 

Not that his assistant was impressed. “She stays late all the time. She’s takes on early morning phone calls.” 

He wondered what it was like to have such fierce friends. “What Ms Niima does in her spare time isn’t my business. I’d rather she stay home if she’s as hung over as Dameron says.” 

Rose narrowed her eyes and waited for a long tense silence. “I’ll text her address. She likes the chicken soup from Crait down the street.” Maybe he passed some kind of test.

Which was how he ended up at Rey Niima’s doorstep like a fucking idiot, mangling a paper bag full of containers of soup and sandwiches, her laptop case slung over his shoulder and his damned heart right on his sleeve.

****

She may have felt like death. She may have looked like death warmed over. Which was why when she opened the door for Rose to find him on her doorstep, all pressed and proper and so fucking beautiful, the tears she was sure had tapered off welled up again. Luckily, she clutched a box of tissues.

“Are you all right?” 

Last night, that voice broke her to pieces.

“I have the fucking flu.“

“Dameron said you’re hungover.”

Of course he did. “I barely even drank.” She sniffed for a good measure and forced herself to look at him again.

If she had visions of him scooping her into his arms, tucking her back to bed, she was mistaken. If she thought he’d bend that huge frame down to kiss her, tell her last night was amazing and she had been an idiot to leave, Rey would’ve agreed with every word. Instead, that cool hard gaze swept over, from toes to top, as if trying to discern if she was lying.

“I got your laptop. And soup from Crait if you’re hungry.”

Maybe he had a food fetish, because he always tried to make her eat.

“It’s ten thirty in the morning.” After last night....she couldn’t stand this pretense of attention. Not from him.

He ran a free hand through that gorgeous mess of hair, hair she loved to grip.

“Can I come in?”

She could say no. Although that would give him more power, show him that last night had effected her somehow. That she fucking ran out of there crying like a little bitch because she couldn’t control her feelings. Crying because it had been the best soul-shattering orgasm of her life and it didn’t mean a fucking thing.

He’d all but tripped over his feet in a hurry to shower.

“You realize it’s inappropriate for you to be here.”

“I’ll email you as soon as I get back.”

She’d never had him here. They always went to his apartment downtown, because she knew, she fucking knew, it would be that much harder seeing him leave.

Whatever forces fucked with her, clearly deemed last night as not enough.

Rey gave him plenty of room to walk past her into matchbox of a kitchen—no endless counters here, thank you—and watched him take the soup out of the bag.

“Eat while it’s still warm.”

“I’m not hungry.”

She’d throw the damned soup out once he’d leave. Progress, Rey figured, considering she wasn’t above grabbing whatever he had ordered every time she left his place.

“You didn’t eat last night.”

Those dark eyes dared her to disagree. She loved his eyes. Loved the way the light made them sparkle with a touch of hazel. Loved the guarded softness.

“I told you I was hanging out with Poe.”

“Have a good time?“

“The bloody hell you care?” Anger was better. Anger was something to hold on to, something to keep the damn tears at bay.

He carded his fingers through his hair. God those hands, the things those hands had done to her. _Say my name._

“Anyhow, thanks for stopping by. I’ll phone the doctor if I still feel like shite tomorrow—“

“Rey.”

When she shrank back, she banged her hip into a counter and Ben didn’t try to close the space between them. Instead, he watched as a predator watched prey, his eyes so dark and hooded, which was hysterical considering he was so huge he could’ve easily picked her up and fucked her on the counter right there, wearing that expensive suit while she redefined sloppy with three buns and...

_Fuck, what was she wearing?_

“Did I hurt you last night?” 

“Did you...” She tried like hell to make her laugh convincing. “Had you hurt me, I woudn’t be the one calling in sick.” Then with a fierce smile, “Believe me.”

Jaw clenched, he regarded her with that cool gaze, the same one he wore when she got the hell out of his apartment. “I can see something happened.” 

_Plutt made me cry for food. Excuse while I freak out being turned on by begging._

“Nothing. I had drinks with Poe and then went home.” She nodded at the cooling container of soup, the bag from Crait laying crumpled on the counter. “Thanks for lunch—I’ll heat it up when I’m hungry. You really don’t need to stick around—”

“What if I want to?”

“What?”

“What if I want to stick around?” His gaze stayed flat and nonchalant, as if he had just asked about the weather.

“Bloody tits, I’m sick as a dog and you still want to fuck?” Crude, but appropriate. Plutt always said she’d never be a lady. _More use from you buffing the engine grease._

Then his eyes softened and nearly destroyed her. “I always want to fuck you. But in this case, I think you need to go to bed.” Crude, just like her, and tender. Enough for for her damned eyes to leak again.

“No. No!” She repeated and held her hand up even though he made no move to close the space between them. “We’re done.”

“With?”

“This.” She waved her hand around, as if encompassing whatever this was. He face blurred for a bit, but she could always blame the flu. “This isn’t healthy. And, let me be straight here, if I’m doing this, I’m not out looking for what I want.”

“And you...” was his hand shaking? Nope, just her eyelid choosing that moment to twitch. “What do you want?”

For once, somebody who would never leave her. “I want someone to give a fuck about me.”

“Rey, I-“

“I know. I get it. Regular shagging lifts the pressure off? It’s been fun but....” She shook her head again when he opened his mouth. “I’ve been talking to Rose—you know she trained to be a therapist? I have....” Like he would care. “I have issues. My parents left me in a garbage dump when I was six. So yeah, there’s all this fun stuff with self worth I’m working on, and Rose’s been helping. I’m completely taking advantage of her friendship instead of spending money on a shrink. 

“And this, with you, is awesome, but I want more. Hell, I deserve more, how is that for progress? I want something real. And this... with you... isn’t that.”

She tried her damnest not to look as Ben walked toward the door, his long strides purposeful and steady.  
“Feel better Rey. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” His voice caressed her, velvet soft and awful. He closed the door softly behind him and was gone.

****  
_From Rey Niima (IT)  
To Benjamin Solo (CFO)_

_Ben,_

_I was able to VPN into the network without any problems, and I appreciate the thoughtful gesture of bringing me lunch as I battle this flu._

_Depending on how I’m feeling, I may need to work from home a few more day until I’m not contagious. I’ll let Kay at HR know if that’s the case._

_As far as our conversation, I realize it was somewhat inappropriate and I apologize for burdening you with my mental health issues. I’ll understand if you want to discuss this with HR, and I hope none of the personal information disclosed will influence our working relationship going forward._

_Sincerely,  
Rey Niima_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys hating on Rey? She really has issues, and to be fair, Benjamin is wearing his resting bitch face mask.
> 
> And did anyone guess what was going to happen because of Crait? I couldn’t help myself.


	10. Two Weeks Ago Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He is trying to work on it!

Ben drove calmly enough save that small incident with flipping off a biker.

He walked calmly enough into the lobby and didn’t kick his foot into the glass panes doors.

Now he was safe inside his office, laughing at the shattered remnants of what used to be his phone, and wishing the plaster on the walls wasn’t so damned weak.

Of course, he could always throw a printer out the window, and probably would’ve done so if his assistant hadn’t come in.

“Gonna need a new cell.”

Ms Tico... No, Rose, he mentally corrected himself after being told—not too politely—how demeaning that type of address was, walked past crushed plastic to drop a stack of papers on his desk.

“Gonna need to patch up that hole too,” he nodded at the fist sized dent. “If you could call around, I’d appreciate it.” 

Her eyebrows rose up just a hitch before she nodded. 

“And uh..”

Rose paused on what was clearly an exit strategy. “I’ll pay for it myself, so no need to draw up expect reports.”

When she closed the door—surprisingly soft—Ben pushed himself down into his chair. Mostly because he hated the crunching sounds under his feet. _Been there, done that._

Was this how Han felt? That last bit of hope destroyed? Was this how his heart felt, literally breaking from what later was determined to be a massive heart attack, while Ben hurled all those words and accusations?

_You didn’t give a fuck about me._

Rey’s words hadn’t been as cruel, but Karma was a royal bitch.

A pop of a notification window on his screen caught his attention and kept him from spiraling further into the past.   
_Building maintenance will be here in ten._

Of course, the building maintenance, as stated in the contract, the terms of which idiot him competely blanked. Twice the cost, five times the hassle dealing with the corporate owners, but nobody can’t argue with the speed.

A simple payment really for something he had sworn he’d never do again. Not that it mattered to Han... his father, Ben mentally corrected himself, and thought back to the idiotic game Dr Yoda had him play inside his head. _Picture the memory, clearly, detached. Let yourself relive what happened, but let go of the darkness of your feelings. It won’t rewrite the past, but help it will with trauma._

So sure, Ben pictured it. The shouting, loud even to his own ears. The words. _You never gave a fuck then, and I sure as hell don’t give a fuck now._ The tinkling of glass from the shattered lamp, the sting on his own face when the electrical plug hit him sailing through the air.

The way Han paled, the way Ben viciously gleaned satisfaction because maybe, just maybe, the words had actually hit home. A fucking heart attack. Simple, and quiet. Final. And in his last moment of life, Han raised his hand to to Ben for the last time.  
“I’m sorry.” Not that it made him feel any better. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole.”

He wasn’t sure if he was speaking to his father or to Rey. Then again, there was a reason he hadn’t come back to more sessions with Dr Yoda.

Before he could stop himself, Ben snatched his keyboard off the floor.

_You feel like walking to get coffee?_

The rapid fire alternating question and exclamation marks that followed shouldn’t have made him laugh.

And when he sat across from Ms Tico... Rose, a block away while some guy patched up the hole back at the office, Ben didn’t where to start.

“Thank you for coming with.” Seemed safe enough.

A shrug, as she cupped both her hands around the sugary concoction topped with cream. Rey would probably love it.

“I ... heard you’re a therapist.”

This had her glancing at him before she masked her face into a nonchalant expression. He had a feeling she did that a lot around him. “I’m not licensed.

“You wouldn’t be working here if you were.” 

There he went again. Fucking things up, because he was Ben Solo. “I’m sorry. Look... I’m an asshole.”

“Yes.” 

Frank. Blatant. Short. 

He appreciated all those qualities. “I don’t know how to talk to people.”

“So I noticed.”

“But...” In for a penny... “I was hoping to talk to you about some things.”

“That you’re an asshole?” She pursed her lips around the straw, apparently enjoying the sugar rush. 

“That too. I was seeing someone and—“

“I’m not talking to you about Rey.”

Oh. _Oh._ “How did you know?” 

And he was definitely not going to flip out because the whole office gossiped about his clumsy attempts to date one of their own.

“She didn’t say anything about you.” Was that... kindness? Did her voice soften? “Nothing specific. We’ve been talking for a while and... Well, I got eyes. I don’t think anybody else knows.”

“That’s.... good. I heard you’ve been helping her.” This came out much harsher then intended, but then again, weren’t they here because of this aforementioned help?

“Sure. We’re friends. But since I work for you, it’s too much of a conflict helping with your...“ She waved a hand, as if at a loss for words. “Problems. You need to speak to someone licensed.”

“I... I had a therapist once I got out of rehab. Been a while since I gone back.” 

“Because you’re an asshole.” This was said with a tiny grin. She didn’t a appear to be surprised, nor did she appear to judge him. Somehow, that eased him, in a way no other conversation had.

“Yes.” He couldn’t help but snort, because really, this was funny in an idiotic kind of way.

“Then stop being one.”

“Excuse me?”  
“You’re so used to everybody hating you, it’s your standard MO. Stop being an asshole. Say something nice once in a while. Let Rey know how you feel.”

“I doubt she wants to hear it.”

“She...” Rose shook her head and took another sip. “See there I go. Can’t separate myself from other people’s problems.” She signed and fiddled on her phone. “Seriously, relationships are not my forte. We all got shit to deal with.”

“You too?”

She shrugged and looked somewhere past his shoulder. “Everyone does.” Then, “You deserve for people to know you’re not an asshole. Maybe stop buying expensive things without a paper trail and try to actually... you know... play nice.”

“I uh... Thanks.”

Rose pushed out of her chair. “I need to get back before the maintance bro finds other shit to tack on to the bill. But if you’re after my advice....” She left the question open ended, looking at him expectantly, until he nodded. “Just talk to Rey.”

“I tried. It didn’t go well.” The words came out before Ben stopped them, small petulant words of the old him, the one shuffled around to be dumped on someone else. _They don’t see the strength in you like I do. They have no idea of things you’re capable of._

“Because you’re an asshole.” That snark-filled voice brought him back from the past.

“Monster.”

“Sure. Because you’re terrified of being hurt.” Calm and blunt, the words hit with laser precision. 

“Or maybe that’s just who I am.”

He looked up to see Rose school her face back into resting-bitchface. “I can’t help you with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Rose Tico.


	11. Seven Months Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and bookmarks and kudos! I can”t tell you guys how much I appreciate you all!

Fury, Rey told herself, that’s what she felt, and righteous one at that. Fury made her storm into his fucking corner office and slam the door behind her back.

Fury. Not hurt, because he had all but ignored her. Barely looked at her. Slam bam thanks for a good shag m’am.

“You have a lot of nerve....”

He simply raised those perfectl eyebrows, and Rey fisted her hands behind her back to resist slapping the mild disinterest off his face.

Her breath burning her throat, she bit back the litany of expletives, and now that she was actually in his office, she forced herself to trample on the anger, on the fucking hurt, and form an actual coherent thought.

Like a professional bloody adult.

“I sent the req form several weeks ago. It’s not my fault you lost it.” There. Calm, professional. With just a hint of murder.

“You said yourself, the prices have gone up. I shouldn’t be the one following up on your responsibilities.”

“Responsibilities my arse.” She forced the words out of the threat, not caring about the snickers and looks that accompanied her thunderous walk to his office. They were all probably straining to hear every word, and only fear of his tempter kept her coworkers from flattening themselves against his door with empty cups held to their ears. “I’ve sent the forms several weeks go.”

“And should’ve followed up instead of hiding.” Smooth, low. His voice stroked over her in that same dark rich velvet, except he was nothing but professionally calm, a touch annoyed. _Hey, nothing personal._

“Hiding?” Loud this time, because Rey didn’t care who heard what. “Of all the outrageous...I’m not waisting time putting a second proposal together because you’re a dick.”

If that desk hadn’t been there, she would’ve decked him. Hell, she could imagine herself leaping over that thing now, sweeping off the ridiculously orderly piles of papers and plowing her fist into that ridiculously handsome, disinterested face. Maybe he’d stop her. Maybe he’d wrap one of those giant hands around her wrist and—

“If you can do your job without those funds, I’m more then happy. We can reroute-“

“Like hell you fucktard.”

“Once again with the insults. I really should—“

“Write me up? Complain to mummy?” She hated, hated that her accent came back when she got like this. But then again, she knew first hand about pissing someone off to trap them.

“You’re doing this on purpose.” She forced the accent back with a deep calming breath. “You can’t fire me, so you’re pissing off. Is that what you’re after? Fine, you win. I bloody quit.”

She dug the key fob out of her pocket and slammed it on his desk, sending some of the papers flying. And was stunned, _when did he move so fast?_ , when she reached for the door and only to find his hand pushing it closed above her head.

“You really think so little of me?”

That voice above her. Christ. It’s been several weeks, weeks of forcing herself not to care, not think about him, not crave his touch. Not think about his hands moving over her skin while she guilty pleasured herself and hated herself after. And now, he was less then a foot away, still not touching her, _of course not touching because why would he?_ And she near burst to flame because once hadn’t been enough.

“I don’t know what to bloody think,” she finally whispered, because the stretched out silence became too intimate. Too real.  
And still he wouldn’t move away, instead caging her in between the doorframe and his heat.

“I’ve been trying to give you space. And.. fuck.” Now he moved back a couple of steps and her traitorous self all but sobbed at the loss of contact. “I honestly wasn’t trying to piss you off. You wanted to forget it, and I respect that. I... well.. I can’t. I can’t forget it. And if you think it’s easy watching you act like nothing’s changed—“

Rey didn’t know when she moved closer. She didn’t know when she tugged on his tie, when she all but pushed him against his own desk. But his mouth met hers and that was all that mattered.

Soft when she wanted hard, hesitant when she wanted him to conquer. So Rey did what had worked before and sank her her teeth into his lips.

And even though the kiss changed for a moment, even though she reveled in the rough punishing slant of his mouth on hers, his hands stayed on his desk.

Then—“No.”  
That short grunt froze her heartbeat.

Of course, she had misread the situation. Once again, there goes impulse control. “I’m... so sorry.” Blind, she stumbled back, once again heading for the door. Once again his hand easily reached out above her head to slam that poor door closed. Caging her in without touching, surrounding her with that incredible heat.

A glitch in the Matrix.

“Not like this. Not here.”

_Oh._

His voice, that sensual dark velvet, caressed the sensitive skin of her nape. “We do this, I take you to bed. My bed.”

_Oh gods._

“Do you understand?”

Her mouth dry, Rey simply nodded. Once more that warm breath washed over her neck and skittered shivers down her spine. “I need to hear words.”

“I...” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Yes.”

“Fuck. You have no idea.... Good.”

She shook so hard, he must’ve felt it, a large palm settling on her abdomen, making tiny circles that probably meant to soothe. Instead, it only stoked her higher.

“My place, tonight. Gonna make you scream. Hear that Brit in your voice when you—“

“The hell with that.” His chest collided with her elbow, her body now doused with ice and memories. “Never,” she growled, and didn’t care that he flinched as if she’d slapped him. “Never mention my fucking accent. Ever. Do you understand?”

Brows drawn in tight, he nodded, shoved those thick fingers through his hair.

“Rey, I-“

 _Just fucking breathe._  
“We’re done.” She slammed the door behind her, her blood a roar in her chest. Tears prickled and were viciously ignored, and as she stomped past the cubicle walls, the heads popping up above offered her looks of sympathy, while Rose—bless her—hold up a tiny brass capped bottle.

“I got my own but thanks.” Fury was good. Fury kept her from crying.

“I hope you kicked his ass.”

She gave Finn a fierce toothy smile when he mimicked raising a bottle to his lips.

She had friends here. Good decent friends who gave a fuck about her, who commiserated with her about clients and assholes. Friends who invited her out with them, so that she could actually have a life where people wanted her company, where she wasn’t no one. Who cheered her on because they thought she d handed him his grumpy perfectly shaped ass.

Rye allowed herself one vicious kick against the door when she finally reached her office and finally let out a long breath in the safe humm of the cooling fans.

Just bloody great.

Once again, Plutt ruined everything. _Let’s hear that prim and proper accent, princess._

Her email notification pinged just as a knock on her door broke through the shudder of memories.

“Hey Scavenger.”

Thankfully, not Solo.

Poe Dameron flashed her that trademark smile. Sure he could be a shit, a flirt, a gossip, but he was a decent guy, always there to lend a hand. “Let’s blow this shit hole and go out to coffee.”

She grabbed her keys, viscously shoving them into her pocket. “Lead the fucking way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there is an email. But she’s too pissed off to read it. (Wait for it)
> 
> Tagging question: should I change “mild angst” to “angst”? Ive read some amazing Reylos with serious angst train and I didn’t think this was as angst-filled comparatively, but now I’m wondering if I under-estimated.
> 
> Im a complete newb so tagging suggestions would be very much appreciated!


	12. Seven Months Ago Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The emails!

“I’ve known him a long time. Solo.”

Rey wondered if the topic would come up, although she had to give Poe props not going for it on the short walk to Starbucks.   
When she quietly sipped the scalding tea, he took it as an invitation to go on. “Before here, I mean. Personally. Leia pretty much adopted me in college.”

“Huh.” That word rattled around in her brain.

“He’s always had an anger management problem. Some say he drove his father-“

“You know, I honestly don’t care.”

She really wanted to be done talking about Ben Solo. And adoptions. Moreover, she really didn’t give a shit. But then again, it was better then being mortified about what just happened in his office.

Poe sipped his mochachino, looking at her with serious eyes.

“I know it’s tough. New job in a heavily male dominated field.” He lightly touched her hand—an innocent and and at the same time intimate gesture Rey wasn’t sure how to interpret. 

“Is he... making you feel uncomfortable?”

He might as well have asked her if they fucked. “In what way?”

Poe just shrugged.

“He... is intense, but I don’t deal with him much.”

“Yeah, we all heard.” 

Rey barely kept the answering snort to herself.

“Look, if he’s weirding you out, I can talk to Leia.”

Somehow that didn’t sit right with her. “I can handle Solo. He’s no more or less of a dick to me then to everyone else.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

This called for a nonchalant sip of her tea.

“I know something is bugging you. You don’t want to tell me, that’s your business. But I’m here. Just saying. As a friend.”

A friend. She didn’t have many, and now, with this job, she had Finn and Rose and Poe and Snap, and who needed Solo with his beautifully brutal features and soulful eyes that turned so cold....

“You’re a good friend.”

Poe took a long moment before looking up at her over his coffee. “I am, but... Look. Leia brought me on specifically for this. Ben’s smart, don’t get me wrong. He’s brilliant with numbers. But even his own mother doesn’t trust his people skills. If I’m to turn the company around—“

“What do you mean?” Not another layoff. She hated them, hated the instability, the weight of having nowhere to go. She finally had people to be with, to be part of a whole, people who invited her places and told her to text them when she got home. A family of sorts. _And yet you just told the CFO you quit because he hurt your bloody feelings._

“Nothing for you to worry about.” He patted her hand, again, just light enough, and let his palm rest gently over hers. Rey slid her hand way, looking at him to gauge his reaction, but he didn’t seem to be disturbed. He was a toucher, always hugging Rose, slapping Finn’s back, laughing at Hux for something idiotic. 

“You’re a hero. You brought back our biggest client—and I have it on good authority they were ready to sign with Empire. Resistance will be fine. My point was, Leia has him for the numbers, and I’m the one supporting the whole team. People like you are what keeps this place going. So if you need my help, play buffer, talk to Leia—“

“I don’t need you to save me.”

If Poe got irritated at yet another interruption, he didn’t show it. “You obviously can take care of that yourself. But... I’ll be straight here, I need you to focus on the job, not on the pointless arguments with Solo. He’s always looking for an excuse to snap. Right after college, he got in his head that Leia chose me over him—though seriously, who could blame her? He threw the biggest fucking fit, completely sold her out to the competition. Worked for First Order until his father—“

“Jesus, I don’t care about this crap.” And truth be told, hearing this made Rey somehow feel dirty. “I just work with the man, who gives a fuck about his family drama?”

Not that she knew much about parents, but feeling like yours preferred somebody else? 

Poe threw his hands up in mock surrender. “I didn’t even say the good parts yet! At one point, Skywalker had him committed to a—“

Rey threw a muffin at his head and pretended to laugh while something greasy churned inside her belly.

The conversation haunted her on the way back to her office.

_He’s is always looking for an excuse to snap._  
Exactly as she’d done. Freaked out because something stupid trigged one of her post-Plutt hangups, because apparently her brain couldn’t simply shut off and bask in the most spectacular come-on of her life.

Rey spent a bitter hour plugging in the new numbers for the bay drives, capping off the report before letting herself open up her email.

He must’ve sent this right after she accosted him on his own desk.

__

_From Benjamin Solo (CFO)  
To Rey Niima (IT)_

_Rey,_

_I regret you felt personally singled out by my refusal to approve your latest purchasing request. While I understand proper documentation is of no importance from your point of view, a balanced ledger is, unfortunately, a necessary evil. Please do update the requisition forms at your earliest convenience so we can move forward purchasing the additional equipment you require._

_As for your intent to quit, I hope it was said in the heat of the moment. I would hate to lose one of our best employees over a misunderstanding._

_On a personal matter, I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I do hope we continue our other conversation. I am enclosing my personal contact info should you agree such topics should no longer be discussed during business hours._

_I’ll understand if you choose to bring this incident to Human Resources and please be assured, I will respect and abide by your decision. Regardless of the outcome, I hope to continue in our professional capacity as before._

_Best Regards,  
Benjamin Solo_

Tempted—ridiculously tempted to save his phone number into the contacts of her phone, Rey hit reply.

__

_From Rey Niima (IT)  
To Benjamin Solo (CFO)_

_Ben,  
Thank you for clarifying. You are correct in that outside of my immediate purview, I am not seeing the wider financial implications. Considering our success as a company hinges on the fundamental hardware and the resulting uptime of the systems I’m setting up, I can’t help but think paperwork is secondary._

_Nevertheless, please find the updated requisition forms so we can move forward without additional delays._

_Apologies for the outburst in your office, it was indeed “heat of the moment” and will not happen again._

_I’ll understand if you wish to bring this incident to Human Resources, and please be assured, I’ll support and respect your decision to do so._

_Best,  
Rey Niima _

She deliberately didn’t say a single thing about the “personal note”. Call her petty, she wanted payback for those weeks where he didn’t so much as look at her direction.

Let that wanker suffer a bit like she did. Besides, she needed time to process.

And if her hands shook just a bit when an email notification from Ben Solo came up on her screen, Rey took took that as a sign to eat. 

Slow, with deliberate movements, because she was so great at discipline, she bit into a protein bar. They had decent ones now, not the cardboard tasting ones she got on sale at Costco, but real nutritional crap that tasted great to boot. 

Only after she was halfway through the bar, did she bring up the email window. What was there didn’t really help her, and she reread the words several times to make sure that was all there was.

__

_From Benjamin Solo (CFO)  
To Rey Niima (IT)_

_Apology accepted.  
Requisition approved._

_Best Regards,  
Benjamin Solo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos! You guys are making my day!


	13. Seven Months Ago Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of smut.

His hands hurt like a bitch, mostly because beating up a bag with wrapped up knuckles after slamming said knuckles into brick didn’t help them heal. 

And though Ben ran himself into exhaustion, shredded his muscles until he was sure his body would rebel, he still coudln’t get the image of Dameron and Rey walking down the street so nice and cozy.

Typical Dameron, swooping in with his smiles and charm, wedging himself between Ben and.. 

No, that wasn’t it. Dameron, for all his fucking faults, had nothing to do with the spectacular way Ben fucked things up again.  
You need to let go of your anger, Dr. Yoda had said, and that sounded so much like Luke’s mushroom induced bullshit, Ben left right then and there. 

Anger sure as hell didn’t drive Rey to slam out of his office after one of the most erotic experiences he’d ever had and seek solace in Dameron’s company.

Nope, just Ben Solo, being his own fucking self.

His legs already cursing him in protest, he took the stairs to the fifth floor, a bags of Thai food cartons swinging from his fingers. He was shuffling said bag and reaching for his key when..

“Rey?”

Did he hallucinate? But no, the look on her face was a very real, annoyed sneer. How wrong was it that he found that look hot as hell?

She was a floor below his place... clearly leaving. 

“Chickening out?” Panic really brought out the charm in him.

“Fuck you Solo.”

“I certainly hope so.”

That beautiful pink mouth twisted in a sneer. Those eyes —he coudln’t tell the color because she would probably belt him if he stared too long—narrowed at the bags forgotten in his hands. 

“Presumptuous much?”

“Hopeful.” Pathetic, but gods honest truth. Jesus, if he had spent another minute at the gym, or if the Thai place took a minute longer, he would've completely missed her. This. Whatever this was. 

She was... mesmerizing. Her face was that mix of aroused and furious, as if she couldn’t believe that she’d allow herself to be here. With him.

“Here’s how this is going to work.” She blocked his way up to the stairs, arms crossed over her chest, the sun-colored hoodie huge on her slim form and yet, somehow, ridiculously sexy. 

The body he spent hours wearing out, stood on alert and thanked him—thank god that he had presence mind to shower at the gym. The raging hard-on? He had a feeling his work out pants hid nothing from that furious gaze.

“I wasn’t going to do this but...” A small shrug. “You offered and I’m horny.” A fiercely raised eyebrow challenged him to make a snide remark. “We’re going to your place. You’re going to fuck me. You’ll keep your mouth shut _the whole damn time_.”

Ben stared, he simply couldn’t help it. A roar of blood in his ears deafened him to whatever she said next, and he assumed she asked where he lived because she made a sweeping motion with her arm, as if inviting him upstairs. 

Inviting him... No. Letting him, letting an asshole like him, touch her. 

Dazed, still not quite believing it was real, he followed, an adoring supplicant trotting after the Goddess of the Sun. Terrified of saying anything to kill this moment, he simply pointed at the food once he locked the door behind her, and when she shook her head and divested him of the bags, her hood sliding off to show those no-right-to-be-sexy three buns, he backed her up against the door.

She asked—no, she decreed— he didn’t talk, and Ben had no trouble keeping his mouth busy. He tasted her—everywhere, every delicious inch of honey golden skin she allowed him to bare. She wouldn’t let him slide off her top, but he figured they had time.  
Instead he used his mouth, licking and sucking bruises on her her neck, her belly, those sweetly muscled thighs. She tasted of sunshine, sweet and heady on his tongue, and even sweeter after that first breathy orgasm.

And since a part of him was terrified, fucking terrified, of saying something wrong, he halted her when she leaned forward as if to put those soft lips on his cock. Instead, he pulled her up against the door because they barely took a step into his apartment.   
Thank god he had replaced the condom in his wallet.

“Ben.”

He coudln’t talk, but damnit, he could make her do so.

“Ben,” she repeated, part growl and part keen, as he hoisted one of those silken thighs up and over his hip and slid his cock—just the head, how in hell did he manage to have that much control?—against her her creamy center.

“Ben.” A full moan this time as he teased her opening. She had to be sensitive from the way she jerked each time he nudged her clit.

“Now. Ben, please, “finally, sweetly, begging. And because he didn’t trust himself not to come like a touch-starved virgin on her skin, Ben pushed his way inside, into that silken heat.

She tried to kiss him but since turnabout was fair play, he simply didn’t let her. Instead, he took more moans from those sweet lips, letting her chase his mouth, her moans grounding him when he wanted to plunge, to take, and instead, letting him take his time and savor.

They never made it to the bed.

The third time she came, Rey dropped her head onto his shoulder, the flutter of her walls around his cock pushing him off the cliff. And when he came back to himself, she woudln’t meet his eyes.

“Thank you,” she finally murmured. “I’l...” She cleared her throat and started gathering her things. “I best get going.” 

She had the gall to smile and rub his chest, lightly, just over his still pounding heart while that accent rolled out from of her lips.

When Ben got out of the shower, the only thing that kept him from slamming his fists into the wall, was finding half of the Thai containers missing.


	14. Six Months and Three Weeks Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some soft and awkward before shit hits the fan

Rey had deliberately texted everyone she knew to keep his name pushed down on her phone so she wouldn’t see his contact.  
Now, despite her better judgement, she scrolled up until she saw his text.

_**Please let me know when you get home safely.**_

This was last week, after she stole from his apartment like a thief with his Pad Thai. But damnit, she was hungry, and since he fucked her senseless and like a true gentleman, headed right in the shower afterwards, she figured she was due.

She hadn’t bothered with an email, although something along the lines of using emergency contacts for “personal discussions” would’ve worked wonders even if now that they’ve hooked up twice, HR was moot.

Instead, she had simply typed _**U dont need to look after me** _ and slept better then she had in years. And if she sometimes scrolled down to reread his message, nobody had to know.

_**RU free 2nite?** _

_**Did you fail English in high school?** _

That asshole. 

She started to reply, something snarky, something guaranteed to slap him back.

_Actually, yeah. Missed most of high school._

Or _Was locked in my room half the time._

Or how about _I ran away and lived in an abandoned trailer._

Damn, he probably could see the three dancing dots each time she started and deleted. And she was clearly an idiot initiating hookup number three because she didn’t get enough the last time.

Her belly clenched at the memory of Ben entering her, the delicious burn of of him between her thighs. The way he looked at her, that surprisingly soft dark hair falling over his eyes as he made her come, with his fingers and his mouth, then again, when she was so sensitive, she shivered in a soft climax for what seemed like hours from the delicate sweeps of his tongue.

Sex addict, that’s what she was, and unprofessional to boot, lusting after a coworker while her own task list sat there, neglected.  
Other things are neglected too, her mind supplied, and to spite that voice, Rey once again buried her head in server code.  
Her phone buzzed several minutes later.

_**Rey?** _

Ugh. She should’ve let this whole thing die. Instead, she watched the tiny dots dancing around.

Was he writing a bloody novel?

_**I have a late call and a few things to catch up. I should be free at 7.** _

More dots, more dancing. She really needed to get back to work.

_**May I take you out to dinner tonight?** _

A meal. Talking, like what normal people do. Where he could see her eat like a damned pig and make more comments about her upbringing or lack of manners.

 _**No. Thank you.** _ And then her fingers typed without permission,   
_**But I’d love to come over to “discuss things”.  
If you have time. ** _

More dots dancing. She hated those bloody happy dots.

_**I have time.** _

She forced her focus back on work, and at 5:30, talked herself into going upstairs to make a sandwich. 

Dusk spreared golden lights into the windows, and in the silence with no clattering keywords, no muffled curses, she could hear his voice reading over a report with what sounded like an investor. His door must’ve been open, but then again, everyone was gone.

She slapped together a turkey and tomato on what quickly was becoming her favorite ridiculously expensive brand of rye, and would’ve taken it back down to her desk but...

She hadn’t touched the piano since that night. And gods knew she didn’t go anywhere near it with the others around. But now?  
Papertowel-wrapped sandwich still in hand, she casually made her way toward Ben’s office, just enough to see him through the open door.

She could’ve stared at him for hours, those dark locks swept back from a face that had no right to be that beautiful. And since he had expensive looking noise canceling Bose over his ears, flattening his hair in what should’ve looked ridiculous but somehow seemed adorable instead, Rey figured it was safe.

Her hands weren’t too nimble, but then again, the third hand keyboard at her apartment was a joke. Blues first, because the chord progression stayed the same and Rey could get into the swing of things and loose herself in rhythm.

Then Bach, at least the two Fugues she remembered. Maz, if she heard, would’ve been pleased because Rey still could get the syncopation.

Then finally Moonlight, as the dusk faded and night settled in.

Under her hands, the piano sang, perfectly tuned, perfectly weighted. Whomever gifted it to the Resistance was a fool because the keys balanced just right, the pedals smudging the notes without being muddy, and even though she hadn’t played like this a long time, the touch and feel came readily back. She even bent her ear to her wrists as she had seen Maz do, and signed when the melody came out just right.

And it really had been so long, she had to shake out her wrists.

“You play beautifully.”

Ben was a shadow in the darkness, a huge presence that both unnerved her and yet made her feel safe. Safe enough that she didn’t flip out at the thought of him listening. And maybe a part of her... maybe a part of her hoped that he had.

“Yeah. Well..” She coudln’t make out his features, but she could all but feel his gaze on her heated face. “Ready to go?”  
“You...uh.” He paused, as if choosing the right words.“You waited?”

“I got some backups started. Might as well kill time.” Did her shrug look a little too rehearsed? “Is that a problem?”

“No.” He hadn’t moved, standing in the perfect place where the passing headlights lit up the outline of his frame but didnt’t illuminate his features. The contrast made him look like something outworldy, as if he were some sort of warrior and she, his prey. And fuck her, if a part of her didn’t fantasize about being caught.

She needed a few minutes. She always felt raw after playing like this—another reason she ensured nobody was around to see her get all mushy. The sane part of her was terrified she would walk up to him and stupidly throw her arms around his neck and cry, for no reason at all, just because he was there. 

_Sure, cry all over him, you’ll definitely get laid._

“I’ll take my car,” she finally said. “If you still want to have that conversation?” Smooth Rey.

“Yes.” Calm and nonchalant. As if they were just talking about the weather. “Or I could bring you back early in the morning.”

“No. Thanks though.” Although a traitor in her mind screamed _yes._ No staying over. No sleeping in his bed—if they ever made it there. No holding her. No bloody crying. 

“I still have have a few things to do tonight. After....” She waved her hand, a ridiculous way of encompassing what they were about to do. Maybe it wouldn’t be that great. Maybe it was a fluke—twice now—and after this, she could go home with a clear head because she fucked him out of her system. “I’ll follow you to your place. You’re the black Silencer, yeah?”

He huffed out laugh. “The beat up Chevy Falcon. It ah... was my my dad’s.” Slashes of red light glinted at the edges of his hair, caught in all that shining black. Just before he turned away, she heard him mutter something about Thai food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark moment and angst ahead - they gotta fight for that happy ending!


	15. Three Days Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is gonna hurt a little.

Poe dashed her hopes of slapping together a quick sandwich when he noticed her attempt to slink away.

“Scavenger!” Rey hated that, but then again, he gave everyone nicknames. Part of being in. “Come on, I was just telling the troops here about last night.”

The troops consisted of the entire Tech Support sprawled on the sofa and chairs of the break room where Poe held court.  
Rey nearly shook her head, but... fuck it. This was exactly what she wanted. To be a part of something, something greater, something bigger then herself. Part of the crowd where they wanted her around. Even with stupid nicknames.

And since he was the COO, nobody razzed him about the can of beer he was holding. “So there we are, finally getting in. It’s packed, can’t hear a god damned thing. Red lights everywhere, and the whole place is draped in black velvet. Goth vibe with class. Back me up here, Scavanger?”

She took a small sip of the smoothie Resistance started stocking in the fridge before she answered. “Looked like a vampire crypt. I don’t know how he always finds the coolest places.”

“Im telling you, god given talent. You should’ve come out with us instead of _reading_ ,” this to Rose, who sat with her head bent over her phone.

“Hey maybe she found something good,” and Rey definitely didn’t like Fin’s snicker. “Although I gotta say, running into Zorri K in a goth bar-“

“You’re ruining the story.” A sharp slap on Finn’s shoulder had the soda spilling on his chin. 

“Anyway, before the spoiler alert,” a pointed look at Finn ”Niima sashays herself up to the bar and tries to get this guys attention. More on that later,” and Rey rolled her eyes at the conspirators tone. “Well, there’s plenty of action on the bar, with women whooping it up. And I shit you not, I look up and theres Zorri K taking a selfie. And between you and me, that beautiful bitch is built.”

Finn chuckled and Rose frowned at her phone.

“Next thing I know, she hops down—I thought for sure she was about to show off some flips—and drags me dancing. And it was loud as fuck, but,” he paused and leaned forward a bit, building up the dramatic punch line. “She kept asking me if I liked her. What I thought about her skirt, or her heels, or... other things. You’d think an Insta model wouldn’t get off to praise kink.”

Rose choked and cleared her throat. 

“You good?” Except the way he said that didn’t sound like concern.

And Rose’s eyes glittered in anger when she responded with a hard voiced, “All good. Thank you”

“Tell me Zorri dragged you to her lair.” This from Phasma, in that droll bored voice.

“I was a perfect gentleman and let her molest me on the dance floor. But speaking of dragging someone off... Rey made a little friend.”

He made his eyebrows go up and down.

_Fucking Poe._

“Spill, Scavenger.” When did she realize she hated that idiotic nickname? “Did you hook up with Giant and Dark and Awkward?”

This was a little close to home, so Rey pretended to snort amidst the whistles and the catcalls. “A lady never tells.”

This. This was exactly what she wanted, easy comraderie, a family of sorts. Ribbing each other, always having each other’s backs. 

Why did it feel... forced?

“Well don’t let the resident asshole find you went home with his clone.” Poe’s eyes remained the same, easy and friendly. His grin... there was something feral in the way he set his teeth. 

“Why would he give a shit? ”

“I wanna hear how you and Zorri didin’t hook up”. This from Phasma, except Poe wasn’t ready to let go.

“Please people, one topic at a time.” He took a nice and easy swig of beer. “Scavenger her needs an education. You dumb and blind? Solo’s been eye fucking you for weeks.” It was said lightly, as a joke, and she could take a joke, she could take teasing. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“Jesus Poe, thats.—” She groped for the right word. “Disgusting.”

“Disguising?” And taking another gulp of beer, Poe flashed those pearly-whites. “I figured you didn’t mind too much seeing you got him wrapped around your finger. You think Resistance has the budget for your servers? Or those smoothies?” He nodded at the one she currently squeezed in her hand. “You’re the only one who drinks that crap. He wanted you to have that crap and since we got no money, he paid for all that shit himself.”

“ I need to make a call.“ Rose stuffed her lunch container in the garbage and rushed out, her back stiff as a board.

“Come on Scavenger, dish. You knew all that already? You two had a fight so you found his twin to get back at him?”

She needed to shut this down fast. “I honestly have no idea what the hell you're saying. And twin my ass. Adam was... ” She paused for drama—after all, she learned from the best. “Just what the doctor ordered for a dry spell.”

Adam quietly kept her company until she got into her Uber. Alone and close to tears. Cursing fucking Ben.

“Poor Scavenger! If I had known, I would’ve lent a hand.” 

Finn snorted, Snap took a nervous drink. Poe raised his beer can in a salute with an innocent smile. 

“Why sir,” Her damned accent came out and Rey figured she might as well own it. “I didn’t realize you were in the running. Lucky for me,” she drawled that last part to the open snickers from the team, “Assholes just aren’t my thing.”

The others dissolved into laughter, Poe loudest of them all because if anyone could take a joke, it was Poe Dameron, who was a complete ass but took just as much as he would give.

“Point Scavanger,” he howled, and somehow was the only one still chuckling when everyone shut up, several people digging for their devices.

“Drinking on the job?” That velvet and steel voice washed over Rey, so dark and gorgeous, reminding her _of that night_ she refused to think about.

“You know Solo, if you relaxed once in a while, we’d invite you with us. Too bad you’ve got a stick up in your ass.” And with that parting shot, Poe tossed the can into the trash and sauntered off. The others followed, leaving her alone to face him in the break room, the light of the waning day pouring in. The piano, with it’s lid left up after the latest battle of the bands, watched them from the corner with a wide-toothed smile. 

A second passed, then another. Rey couldn’t read his features, but then he worked his jaw, his lips flattening as if he started and then stopped himself from opening his mouth.

And then he simply turned his back.

“Ben.”

He was nearly to his office now, hands shoved into his packets, and damnit, she hated chasing anyone, but she had to know, even if it meant once again calling the name of someone who was leaving.

“Solo.” Loud enough for everyone to hear—no need to hide anything from ears already on alert. “We need to go over the specs from Dantuine.”

He stopped right in the open door away and ran a hand over his hair. “Ms Niima,” he murmured and made a mocking motion to indicate she should go in. 

“I thought we settled everything already, but if there’s anything you feel you need—“

“Ben.” 

Those dark bottomless eyes met hers, just for a moment. His face remained aloof, beautifully cold.

“Is it true? About...” She gestured toward the kitchen. “You’re paying for everything yourself?”

His lips quirked into a shade of a smile and Rey would’ve given anything to just crawl on his lap.

“We didn’t have a food budget, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. The goal is to build better communication for the team.”

“And the servers?”

“What about them?”

“The bay drives, backups.” Staggering amount of money for a complete system overhaul.

“Was it for me?”

“Of course.” He raised his eyebrows as if in surprise. “You are the Engineer.”

She huffed out a breath. “I mean.. because of... well, you know.”

He didn’t need for her to spell it out. “A bit presumptuous.”

She threw back “Hopeful,” and was rewarded with small quirk of his lips.

“I need to prep for the next call. If you need anything else on Dantuine, you know where to find me.”

“Ben. Look, about what I said...“

He did finally he look at her, that gaze clear and direct.. and tired. Now that she could actually see him, she noted the dark circles around his eyes, the tired lines bracketing his mouth. 

Maybe he wasn’t sleeping too.

“You said what you had to.” Those beautifully shaped lips stretched into a flat line. “Poe would’ve run straight to my mother and anything you disclosed would've been used to make his case.”

“His case?”

“He wants me out. Fancies himself CEO.” This was said with a shrug of those big shoulders, as if the title meant nothing. As if the thought of his own mother passing him up on a promotion because of fucking Poe didn’t bother him at all. “I appreciate you not giving him more ammunition.”

“How much did you hear?”

He looked down at his phone. “Everything.”

Fuck. “About last night—“

“Rey. Please.” He held out his hand, that beautiful, long fingered hand, palm up, to stop her. “You don’t me an explanation.”

“But-“

“Let me be straight.” He kept his voice polite and quiet. Empty of emotion save for a sliver of regret. “We can’t take back the past, but we can be adults and call it what it was. We hooked up. It was nothing. And now, we should get back to work before the others strain their ears.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: THAT NIGHT


	16. Thirty Minutes Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini update to shed some light into the dark.  
> Almost there!

_To: Benjamin Solo  
From: Leia Organa Solo  
Subject: Please read FWD:_

_You aren’t answering your phone._

_To: Leia Organa Solo  
From: Armitage Hux (Sales and Marketing)  
Subject: _

_Dear Mrs Organa,  
I deeply regret my outburst earlier today. I understand such behavior is incredibly inappropriate and no doubt violates the employment requirements we agreed upon after my incarceration. While I have no excuse, my only explanation is the surge of adrenaline trying to separate Mr. Dameron from another employee, and the resulting profanity laden tirade at Mr Dameron was not in any appropriate in expressing my feelings about his treatment of the staff._

_I will accept every consequence you deem appropriate and should you wish me to do so, I will tender my resignation to HR first thing Monday morning._

_With Respect,  
Armitage Hux_

________________________

_I can’t believe you choked him in full view. Your father would have kneed him in the balls and claimed it was an accident._

_Answer your damned phone._

_****_

_To: Benjamin Solo  
From: Leia Organa Solo  
Subject: Please read_

_I hope you’ll reconsider—there are ways to go around it._

_I wasn’t going to send this but..._

_Is this why you got the Falcon out of storage?_

_To: Leia Organa Solo  
From: Rey Niima (IT)  
Subject: _

_Hello Mrs Organa,_

_Sorry for not reaching out sooner—seems like I blinked and several months went by._

_I’m going to apologize in advance for the somewhat personal nature of this email._

_As you may know, I’ve implemented several large scale upgrades, and in some cases, a fundamental revamp of several server nodes. This resulted in significant improvement to our uptime and revenue flow, however, I now realize Resistance had no funding to purchase the equipment I requested. If I’m understanding correctly, Ben financed these fairly extravagant costs on his own._

_On a smaller scale (but extremely appreciated), Ben has been providing meals and snacks to improve overall team rapport and communications._

_I have to admit I’m a concerned about the financial state of the company, but more over, I’m concerned about Ben’s professional reputation due to rumors these leadership initiatives stemmed from my personal and consensual relationship with him._

_Said relationship—now concluded—had no bearings on either of our actions during working hours, and while my statement above no doubt negates any fair acessment, I hope the steady uptimes, high satisfaction surveys, and uptake in new account referrals, will speak for themselves._

_I understand in light of this information you may be uncomfortable with my employment at Resistance Media, and I will respect whatever decision you make on that front. Having said that, and again, with the understanding I may be accused of bias, I do want to commend Ben’s continued dedication to the company’s success, leadership skills, and frankly, caring about this company and the employees._

_I can’t say I would be comfortable discussing this matter further, but if you choose to do so, I’m happy to meet with HR._

_With respect,  
Rey Niima,  
IT_

____________________

_If you aren’t out looking for her right now, you’re not a Solo._

__


	17. The Night Before Two Weeks Ago (AKA THAT Night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve had wall sex. We’ve had hate sex. Now? Angst sex because our soft boy Ben is angry. Anger leads to the dark side.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

Since they technically weren’t fucking yet, Ben was allowed to make small talk. Nothing big, nothing interesting. Nothing that would get her stomping out. “Thai food.” He tilted his head toward the containers on the kitchen table.

“Thanks, but you didn’t have to. I’m going out with Poe tonight. Dinner then karaoiki.”

That roar he heard was his blood rushing from his balls back to his brain. 

Typical really. He shouldn’t have expected any less. Everyone chose Poe, everyone would continue choosing Poe, with that perfect fucking smile and charm and right words dropped into the right ears.

She was going out with Poe tonight, and Ben? He followed her into his own damned living room like an overgrown puppy with his tongue all but hanging out, pathetically grateful for scraps.

She never let him touch her. Fuck her, yes. Kiss her, yes, as long as it was rough and heady, never allowing him to worship her lips or her skin.

Never linger, never say an extra word. Six fucking months of the most exquisite torture. Six months of running into the shower before he broke down and fucking begged her not to go.

Tonight? Tonight he woudln’t be begging.

“We doing this or not?” Of course she had her clothes on. He often had to distract her into removing them all, her belly and her breasts rarely bare to his gaze.

“Strip.” The words were out of his mouth before he registered them fully, and by the time her eyebrows narrowed, it was too late to take them back. Hell, if she did walk out tonight, maybe it was for the best the way his mood went dark and quiet and storming.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me.”

A tiny line appeared on her forehead. “Are you.. ok?”

“I’m not the one watching the clock.”

She puffed out a soft breath. “You can come out with us you know.” 

A pity invitation after a pity fuck. “No thank you.”

The line between her brows went deeper, and if he was in any other mood, he would’ve found the way she bit her bottom lip adorable.

“What’s wrong with you?“

“I’m in the mood for something different.” His voice sounded too low even to his ears. “Tonight we’ll do the things I want.”

It’s always been her choice. She showed up here very Thursday, following him in her car after he pretended to work while listening to her pour out her emotions on the piano. While he was sitting in his own office like an idiot with fucking headphones on barely breathing for fear that she’d know and stop.

“We doing this?” He watched her standing still, regarding him with a small frown and uncertain eyes. And hell, he liked that. Liked that for once she was the uncertain one, maybe a little nervous, because fuck if he wasn’t a mumbling sweating idiot every fucking time.

With jerky motions, Ben tugged off his tie, refusing to dwell too much that his hands appeared to be shaking. Deliberately slow, he rolled up his shirt sleeves, then opened the two top buttons at his throat. 

When he looked up, Rey stood exactly where she was. 

Beautifully naked.

Gold skin and pink pert nipples. Strong lines and sweet curves. Her parted coral lips curled in a challenge—a perfect compliment to the fierce light in those hazel eyes.

He wanted to take her to his bed and worship ever inch of her tanned skin, kiss every freckle, linger on ever place that made her shiver. And as he looked at her and stifled the urge to kneel right her feet, he forcefully reminded himself that they’ve been fucking for six months and this was the first time he’d seen her fully naked.

So he held on to that, held on to fury. Anger was much preferable to pain.

“Come here.” His voice came out akin to gravel.  
“Seriously—“

“I won’t repeat myself.”

“For Christ’s sake.“ And yet she padded toward, her feet heartbreakingly small and tipped with sunshine yellow.

“Look, you’re upset—“

“I didn’t say I was upset.” Interruptions made a solid power play—another tip that bastard Snoke had taught him. Ironic, how he finally had her here, looking at him with all this hunger in her eyes, and all he felt was... nothing. “I said I wanted things my way tonight. Is that a problem?”

She only frowned in answer, so Ben closed the distance between himself and that gorgeously naked body, displayed for him in all its golden beauty for the first time.

Still clothed, he touched a single finger to her lips, rubbing the pink and dewy texture of her mouth. She made no move to kiss him, but then again, she didn’t move away.

So Ben trailed that finger down.

Down over the smooth line of her throat, tracing with deliberate control he didn’t feel inside. Slow, devilishly slow, over her sternum, between those pink tipped breasts. Any other time, he would have gently palmed their weight and kissed them, worshiped them, worshiped her with his tongue.

Her chest rose and fell under his fingertip, her heartbeat a staccato rhythm he could all but hear. Testing them both, he deviated from his path, allowing himself a detour under and around one soft mound, then the other. 

If she wanted him to touch those perfect budding nipples, she only had to ask. 

Those hazel eyes searched his, the uncertainty in her gaze warring with arousal. Other then her soft breaths, silence was all he had. Silence and that nothing in his head which Ben ignored and watched her lips part as skimmed past her ribs and dipped into her navel.

Despite the mask of indifference he forced onto his face, Ben couldn’t suppress a chuckle at her sudden quiver—she was ticklish. She let him fuck her for six months and he had never known. He shored that knowledge deep—another tool. 

He would use all those tools, everything he’s come to learn of her so when she left tonight, she would be hoarse for Poe, hoarse because of how many times Ben made her scream his name before she climaxed.

“Do you want this Rey?”

His finger continued it’s languid assault, that soft skin a temptation Ben longed to taste but couldn’t. Over her pelvic bone, down, lower, over the soft patch of curls she left to drive him crazy while the rest she kept deliciously bare. He would find out if she was glistening soon enough.

“I need you to answer.”

The tip of his finger hovered on the edge. Another millimeter and his fingertip would be inside her heat, her scent already perfuming the air. Ripe and sweet peaches dipped in honey.

“Yes. Damnit Ben-” 

“Spread your legs. Show me you want this.”

For a second, he was afraid he went too far, that she would slap him and storm out. 

But Rey shuddered. And did exactly as he asked.

Small delicate fingers pulled apart her nether lips, pushing up to reveal her glistening pink center.

That sight of her... The way she watched him, with her lip caught in her teeth, opening herself to him...

“Get on my bed. And wait.”

***

Was it possible to suffocate by need?

Rey didn’t know how long she waited, the time measured by her pounding pulse. His bed... All this time she’d come here and played it off, distracted him, or at one point, flat out refused d to do it on his bed. Now? Waiting for... whatever game he played, she luxuriated in the soft feel of his duvet (black of course), the wood and leather scent of him a ghostly embrace in the darkness.

A minute? Five? An hour?

She hated being made to wait. 

Somehow it felt wrong to slide under the covers. Submission wasn’t her jam, but a part of her wondered if she should kneel, waiting for him like some sort of a supplicant. 

So Rey sat on the side, the bed so high her legs dangled off the edge. Naked. Waiting. Still uncertain if this was going to be the best night of her life or if she should pick up her pride and leave before more pieces of her would get broken.

“Ben?”

Nothing. Nothing but mocking silence.And when she got off the bed, his dark laugh scattered on her skin.

“You’re always running off.”

“I don’t know what game you you’re playing.“

A calloused fingertip against her lips cut off the rest. She hadn’t seen him, hadn’t heard him come near. The always frightened orphan lin her hind brain scoffed at the idea, telling her she’d gotten soft, an easy prey.

“A game? Is that what we’ve been doing?” Velvet soft words brushed against the sensitive skin of her ear, sending a shiver down to her very toes. She should get up, get the hell out. He barely even touched her and yet she was... caught. 

“All right, a game then. How long Rey can go before she begs.”

“I don’t—“

He rolled right over her words, as if she hadn’t spoken. “Rules are simple. Please. Fuck me. Ben. Or Solo if you need... detachment. I’ll accept one of those words as your way of begging for me not to stop.“

“This is ridiculous.”

The hand that left her mouth now rested on her belly, his open palm huge on her bare waist. Just... there, weight and heat, resting on her without any semblance of force or tension.

“Is there where you tell me I should be tied up? That’s a hard no.” The words came out more breathy then intended. Strangely enough, the idea didn’t seem as terrifying as it should’ve been.

“Tied up? No, not tonight.” Somehow, his voice came out cold. Cold and tender, melodic, soft and cruel. “That’s part of the game. You’re here not because you have no choice, but because you don’t want fight it. If it’s too much, there’s the door. You can walk out—I won’t do anything to stop you. The choice is, as always, yours. That door becomes your safe-word. I won’t hold you down at any point. You stay? I take whatever I want.”

“Look I can’t—“

“Stay or go, Rey.”

Fuck. _Fuck!_

He was right, she could leave at any moment. The hand on her abdomen didn’t move, didn’t press her back against him, even as she knew he loomed behind her, caressing her with his presence alone.

“Touch me.” It came out as a whisper. A raw plea.

He didn’t move. “What were the words.”

“Ben.”

Finally, _bloody finally,_ she was against him, back to his naked chest, her rear flush against still-under-clothes erection.

“You never let me do this.” Slow, achingly slow, he palmed her breasts. “You never let me touch you. Never let me say you’re god damned perfect just like this.”

Because her knees threatened to buckle, she threw her arm up and around his neck, anchoring herself against him. _This..._ This was different. And he was right, she never let either of them explore because this was exactly what she feared. Getting lost in him. Just... getting lost.

Those long blunt fingers gently plucked her nipples and she was truly gone. Her head rolled back and found support against his shoulder. The shudder rippling through her ended on a moan.

His lips brushed against the sensible nerve endings of her ear. “More?”

She nodded, and he stilled.

That dark laugh came again.”Rules, sweetheart.”

She should’ve told him she was not his sweetheart. “Please. Ben.”

“Kneel on the bed.”

She fucking _scrambled. Normal_ Rey would’ve laughed at her idiot self and the ungrateful way she climbed onto that bed. Except Ben was a dark shadow behind her, once again enveloping her in his arms, those gorgeous hands covering her breasts. Soft lips caressed her nape, slow, aching, exquisite. So nerve wrecking she shuddered, convulsing around the emptiness inside her.   
She hated waiting, but this... _this_

“I need you now, Ben.”

“No. We do this my way.” He scraped his teeth over her neck. The contact, just side of painful, contrasted with the gentle knead of his hands on her breasts. “But since you did follow the rules, I’ll give you a reward.”

Both palm slid down to where she was aching, one hand anchoring her against him and the other finally pressing down, heat to heat, a fingertip sliding over the soaked nub of her clit, making her shudder at the sweet sweet contact.

“I have you, sweetheart.”

“I”m not-“

She lost that battle as well as a light fingertip made a soft dip into her entrance. 

“You like this?”

“Obviously. So if you could get on with it—”

“Now you lost your reward.” Except he stroked her clitoris with rhythmic motions, once, again, delicious friction that her _so close, right there..._ And he stopped.

“We’ll start over.”

Stunned, she had no words, much less the breath to curse, leaning back against that hard warm body with her thighs spread, wanting him there and clenching at nothing.

HIs breath ghosted over her check. “Do you want to leave Rey?”

She should’ve gotten up. She should’ve pushed away, got dressed, walked out the door. Instead, she shook her head, still not trusting herself to speak, and when his a lips traced a warm path over her check, she realized the wetness he traced was a sliding tear.

And she was too far gone to be mortified about crying during sex.

“Rey.” The way he said her name, so dark and rich, sent shiver down her spine. “Do you want me to stop.” He didn’t phrase that as a question, but that velvet voice curled in her belly, deliciously, erotically, deep. 

“Ben. Please.” There was a slight chance she sobbed, but she didn’t care.

She didn’t care because his arms tightened around her, enveloping her in his strength. 

“God, you have no idea....” Then, “Lay on your back and spread your legs. Next time, if you’re begging, I might let you come.”

Caught, lost, she did just so, her body a knot of live wires spread out for him to tease and taste and feast. 

He finally give her his weight, propping himself on his hands above her as he settled between her thighs, teasing her with fleeting touches. The bruises he sucked onto her neck would probably be something she should cover... At some point. She squirmed for more, pushing with weakened arms to get him to come down, to cover her, to enter.

His warm mouth closed over her breast. 

“Oh, god.”

“Just Ben,” he chuckled against her nipple, and pulled it back into his mouth, his slacks a rough purchase against her clenching thighs.

“Now what Rey?”

God, that voice.

Without breath, she had no words, so she tugged on his hair. Except he wouldn’t move, teasing her without mercy, without touch.

“Please. More.”

“Good girl.” And her reward was his attention on her other nipple, tasting it with the same loving ministrations as the first, until she almost screamed with want.

“Please. God.”

“Not quite, but closer. “ His mouth worked a path down her belly. Those broad shoulders pushed her thighs wide, making room for him to settle in and press his nose against his center and inhale a long, deliberate breath.

Time just... stopped.

She didn’t know how long she writhed, hands fisted in his sheets, his hair, anything for purchase, how long he teased her, bringing her to the edge only to let her perch there, suspended, without falling off. She didn’t know she could moan this loud, all but screaming his name, begging for release that wouldn’t come. As soon as she got close, he led her to the very pinnacle before moving away, finding another spot to tease, using his lips, his nose, his fingers. 

“Please.” She chanted the word like a prayer. “Please, please fuck me.”

“Say my name.”

“God. Please Ben.” 

Those magical fingers traced a light path over her nether lips. The air she struggled to pull into her lungs came out in a shout when he slid two digits inside her slick entrance, then pulled out only to start that slow torturous push inside again.

“Get on your hands and knees.”

The other Rey would’ve kicked him . Kicked him right into that beautiful face and told him to fuck off. That other Rey wouldn’t be shaking, so stupidly needy, turning gracelessly on his bed as fast as her trembling muscles would allow.

“Tell me again sweetheart.” She heard the telltale rip of paper, the rustle of fabric as he slid his trousers off. Then he was there, _right there_ , nudging over her over-sensitized clit and still not where she needed him the most.

“Please. Fucking please, how many times do you want me to say it?” She didn’t care that she was crying, although later, she would be mortified to find more tears drying on her face. 

“As many as I want.” That dark tone... something was wrong, but she was far too gone to focus. “Tell me again.”

“God. Ohmygod.” 

He entered her, a glorious slide, so full and perfect and slick and ... he stopped. “Should we go over the right words again?”

“God. Please. Ben. Fuck me.”

Slow, when she expected fast. Deep, stroking her thoroughly with each delirious thrust, the slide of his cock sending her nerve endings into convulsions. 

She pushed her face into the bed to scream, but then his hand caressed her throat to push her head up.

“I need to hear you.”

She would’ve cursed if she could think. Ben left her neck to grip her hips, spreading her buttocks to open her even more, the vulnerability a fresh layer of sensation. 

One more hard stroke and it would all be over. Except somehow he knew, fucking her slow and deep, prolonging her climb up, his rock hard thighs brushing against hers with each thrust, sending her higher, tighter, and still not high enough.

And that fucker slowed down.

“I’m close. Ben, _Ben_ , I’m so close. Please, god, don’t stop. Please. Please. Just fuck me. Please, Ben.”

This grip changed, fingers digging in, rougher, a hand on her neck guiding her head down to the bed. And then....

She didn’t know she could scream like this. She didn’t know she could beg or plead or curse, her grateful cries echoing in her ears, his words a velvet poison, somehow _wrong_ , and yet she was finally there, clutching around him, writhing under him, her mind blanking into that blissed out state of stars and sparks and sensation, her body a live wire of need stirred by a greater force.

His weight collapsed on top of hers, pushing her down into the mattress. Although she still couldn’t catch her breath, the arms around her felt like home. His lips caressed her back, pressing down the softest kisses. And only when his fingertip brushed moisture off her check did sanity snap back.

_My fucking god._

As if sensing the sudden shift of mood, Ben rolled off and left her cold and breathless on his bed.

“I need to take care of this,” she heard, their usual phrase for _let me get rid of the condom long enough for you to grab your shit and get out of here._ “Thai food is on the table if you’re hungry. Have a good time with Poe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have been amazing - thank you for the comments and kudos!


	18. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeere we go!!! The last chapter!

She shouldn’t have come back here to Resistance.

The way Ben stared at her, all wild eyes and locked tight features, there was every chance he didn’t give a damn about what she said.

“How’s Poe?”

“Seriously?” He huffed out a pained laugh, and Rey had to admit, this whole thing was damned funny. “You lay this on me and then change the subject?” He pushed a lock of hair off his forehead, lights from the street painting his hair and face in dangerous deep red. “You’re a real piece of work.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

Another jerky motion of his fingers tunneled through his hair. “I spent the last two hours cleaning up your mess and trying to dodge my _mother_. I listened to Dameron threaten everyone who’s ever wronged him on the way to ER —dont _even_ fucking ask about that; and Baz draw up several docs since we’re filing harassment charges. Against Dameron, on behalf of the staff.”

_Right, good old Baz._

“I’ve been driving around trying to find you and texting everyone to give you fucking space.” He did look slightly off, his tie loosened around his throat, his suit askew but still lovingly caressing those broad shoulders.

Was he just going to ignore what she just said? Apparently so. _Tough break._ “The perks of being CEO.”

“I didn’t take the fucking job.”

“Since I’m fired, I don’t care.” 

She needed a plan of action to move foward, except she was too raw to care. She shouldve stayed at home and sent out her resume _before_ being fired Monday morning.

But no, she had to come here and play the fucking piano under the guise of _just doing her job_. Hoping, like a fucking lovesick idiot, he would come after her and find her. And after that face plant of an admission, here he was not doing shit.

Ben took a breath, visibly trying to collect himself before he spoke. She braced for it, for the investable rejection. 

Then, “Thank you.” 

She had no answer there.

“Nobody’s ever stood up for me before.” The way he said that, soft and vulnerable, did something to her heartstrings.

 _She wouldn’t fucking cry._ “I didn’t punch him out for you.” She had to get the hell out of here, somewhere dark and safe with a locked door. She had to get control over this raging storm inside her, the storm that made her bare herself to the only person who could make her lose control.

“I wasn’t talking about Dameron. You took a huge risk and... you didn’t have to.”  
 _Don’t fucking cry._ “Just... You know what, I’m exhausted. Either fire my ass, or let me finish up the backups. At this point, I don’t give a fuck about what you do.”

“I told you I didn’t take the job. And if my mother fired you, she’d have to fire Hux and I right along with you.”

“Well I’m not sticking around because you and your mother are _grateful._ ”

“Fuck this Rey. You want to know why I didn’t take it?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Because... you’re an asshole?” Cheap shot, but then again, he just ignored everything she laid out for him. 

“That too. Also, conflict of interest. I’m also in love with one of the employees.”

“Oh.”

Oh.

“But you said—“

“I know what I fucking said.” He seemed to like that word. At any other time, it would have been a turn on. “You wore my shirt.”

“I....”She looked down at herself, the new white sparkling hoodie. “What?” 

“At your apartment. When you said you were sick.”

She tried really hard to follow the change of topic. “I was sick.” 

“You were fucking crying!” She jumped at the force of emotions in his voice. “You let me touch you for six months, you think I wouldn’t know? You fucking cried, and told me you were done and wore my fucking shirt!” His chest rose and fell in rapid succession, his hands still fisted at his sides. Did moments ago she think him cold? Because now, he was living and breathing fury. 

“I didn’t know what your deal was, but I had to respect it. And now—“ He shrugged, his shoulders dropped. “I still don’t fucking know.”

 _Well... Fuck._

“Just... Let me get this out okay?” Scraped raw, Rey coudln’t face him, so she turned to look at the traffic below. “One of my foster fathers would lock up me up for days until I ‘learned some manners’. He loved hearing my _hoity toity_ accent when I broke down and begged.”

In the reflection of the window she saw his face blanch as he staggered back.

There was a reason she didn’t do this get-to-know-you nonsense. This wasn’t exactly conversation for a second date.

“How...” he cleared his throat. “How old were you?”

“I’m not sure. Ten? Nobody gives a tit about an orphan’s birthday.”

“Jesus. Where is he?”

“Dead.” She didn’t know why, but she added, “I found out that day when we... the first time.”

And somehow, she felt calmer. Not at peace, not empty, certainly not over the storm of emotion in her chest. But... Easier somehow.

“God. Rey.” He stalked toward the window and stood behind her, his reflection a dark shadow on glass. “So when I made you beg that night.... Fuck. God. I had no idea.” Then in a soft pained voice. “Forgive me.”

She didn’t turn around. No point where she could see him in the glass, his eyes shattered, his face blank. That’s what he did, Rey realized. Blanked his face in a mask whenever he was controlled by strong emotions.

Hell of it was, she did the same.

“You know the worst part? I got off on it. Your voice. Denial. Begging. Then you went off to shower and I...left.” She chanced a glance at him and saw him standing right behind her, not touching her and yet a comforting presence at her back. 

“I... hated watching you leave. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. ”

The bitterness around her throat was unexpected. “I thought we both agreed you were an asshole.” Deep cleansing breath. And fuck, her knuckles hurt. “I have this thing... I always leave first. That way, it’s my choice that I’m alone.”

Somehow, in the shadows she could see his eyes, so dark, so impossibly soft. “You’re not alone.”

She didn’t know where the tear came from. “Neither are you.”

“Can I—“, he held out a hand just as she turned around to face him. “Can I please—“ 

Rey wasn’t sure how or when but she had arms and legs around him, clutching him tight, and fuck them both, she was crying, silent, huge, ugly sobs into the shoulder of his million dollar suit.

“Rey—“

“I’m sorry,” she finally managed, but didn’t lift her head from where it rested on his shoulder. He must’ve sat down at some point, his back supported by the grinning piano, holding her strong and tight while she _fucking cried._ “I fucked up your suit.”

“I honestly don’t give a shit.” He nudged her head up to wipe a thumb over her check. “Okay?” A soothing hand rubbed circles on her back.

She sniffed. And nodded. God, he smelled good.

“Come back to my place.”

She hiccuped —classy Rey—and nodded. “How about I cook you breakfast?” 

He exhaled with such force, Rey realized he must have held his breath.“Yeah?” That smile lit up his whole face, his features younger, boyish. Full of wonder.

She grinned right back. “We’ll have to improvise dessert.”

“I’m sure we’ll think of something.” Again with the low gravel tone that had her knees going to mush. Good thing she was already sitting down.

“Ben.” She felt his gaze searching her face in the darkness. “What you said earlier...” Deep breath. “I feel it too.”

His lips curved against hers. “I know.”

*****

_To: Benjamin Solo  
From: Leia Organa Solo  
Subject: Please read FWD:_

_You aren’t answering your phone._

_Did you find Rey?_

_*************_

_To: Benjamin Solo  
From: Leia Organa Solo  
Subject: Please read FWD:_

_Answer your phone._

_If I don’t hear from you within ten minutes, I’m flying out._

_*************_

__To: Leia Organa Solo  
From: Benjamin Solo  
Subject: Re Please read FWD:_ _

__Mother,  
After an extensive conversation with Ms Niima, she has convinced me to accept the promotion to CEO. I am very thankful for the faith you place in me in running this company, and I can assure you I will do my best to meet and exceed your expectations._ _

__There are several things to be discussed in terms of the workarounds you’ve mentioned, and I would love to tackle those next week.  
I am looking forward to seeing you the next time you’re in town, but if I may request, please give us a few weeks to get to know each other._ _

__

__*****_ _

__

__*************_ _

__

__To: Benjamin Solo  
From: Leia Organa Solo  
Subject: Please read FWD:_ _

__GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER? I thought...  
I don’t want to know.  
Good job kid._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my first fanfic! I had such an amazing time writing this story and I so appreciate you all for the kudos and bookmarks and comments.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> And stay tuned for Tattooed Rock Star Kylo Ren.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an [epilogue ](%E2%80%9C) aka angstsy and smutty story with these two, because I miss them. And of course, there’s emails.Check out part two of the series!


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